I can barely feel. I don't feel emotions I don't feel pain. But only mentally. Physically I can feel the pains in my hips everytime I walk and in my back from my breasts pushing forward. But that mental pain, I can't feel it. I cannot feel the sadness or the anger or the rage. I can only feel the anixety. The anixety that is there 24/7. The anixety that won't ever leave me alone. The anxiety that sits and waits and strikes at every moment it wants to because it can. The meds don't help, the exercises don't help. Nothing will help this dropping feeling in the back of my throat and my chest. The feeling of hearing anything that scares me and making my heart drop and shatter into a million peices. The anixety is like a voice, a voice in the back of my mind that won't ever shut its goddamn mouth for anything. Lets call the anxiety, Alice. Alice will sit there and wait until you think you're having a good day and then BAM, just like that, everything comes crashing down for no reason. You see some water on the floor, you think nothing of it, until you step in it and Alice says "Hey, what if you slipped in the water and fell right in front of everyone?" or if you were sitting there doing your work in class but then Alice says "Hey, you're breathing sounds loud." So you only breath in little spurts so you aren't being so loud and embarrassing yourself. Alice keeps you from doing the things you want to do. The things that you would gain experience from. Alice sucks. Anixety sucks. And there's really nothing I can do about it.
