Careful with the tea

Part 22

Nothing changed in the little room, likely having no visitors since then.

I pulled the dusty armchair to the window. The sun was already setting outside, down to the west. I leaned back and put my legs up to the window sill. I opened the glass and smelled it. I felt the sweet scent of kiwi, that was almost upsetting for me.

"Well... to me..." Then I drank the tea at one.

I knew I wouldn't feel its effects immediately. I closed my eyes, and having nothing better I started to count my breath again.

After a while new thoughts born in my head. They rose up one after the other from the deep like balloons, starting to fly to the sky.

Moments of my life received a new meaning, as I confessed all my true feelings for them to myself.

The first was to clarify the falseness of my feelings for Hatter, and that make it easy to get rid of them. I already saw Alice's face shining with smile in front of me, as she hid in Hatter's arms.

Then it was time to work on my own stuff.

Colleagues suing me at the agency, the boring colours of the walls in my flat, the two-faced receptionist at the hall, or b the lovely flower-man at the corner... I made a confession about everybody.

People say most of us get scared to death when facing ourselves. Maybe it was Calm, that Owl gave me after our forest adventure, that helped me to survive myself with unharmed mind. I was understanding and forgiving about each and every mistake and wrong step of mine.

I accepted myself just as I was. Likely I will never miss any self-confidence...

But I wasn't ready yet. When the moments of today passed, yesterday came up... It wasn't hard to get over my mistakes of childhood and youth soon, so only one thing remained. Those years of college...

And Marcus...

The story was simple: I saw him and fell in love. But I was a coward to step on, so I was punished not to see him again. Until now.

When this fact was admitted, time seemed to stand still.

Honesty couldn't answer the question of what would be the right solution for me. Would this mean I still have to sit here for hours in this dusty library room?

I remembered Marcus's behaviour since the moment we met at the reunion. Whatever happened, it was just like at college. There might be moments, when he realised I'm alive, but I though he would've acted already if he had any feelings.

So I was again at the beginning, where I started from. Alone...

I got a new chance, I kept saying to myself. I thought I was ready to go home, so I took the glass and stood up to leave the room.

The door suddenly opened and Marcus stood at the doorstep. I saw he was running here all along.

I looked at him with questions in my eyes, but before I could open my mouth, he put his finger on my lips and ordered me back to the armchair.

"Listen to my words, please, let me be honest to you now..." he whispered, and I decided to do as he said.

When I sat back, he kneeled next to me and held my hand. He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye.

"Kate... I owe you a... a confession..."

It was already weird enough that we sat there holding each others hands, but I never expected this. I stared at him surprised, and he went on silently.

"I was watching you since we met again... I can hardly imagine what you had to go through until you got here, but I cannot find the words to say how much... how brave it was what you did for them... and how much I adore you for it..."

He bowed his head. He apparently found it hard to spit out what he had in his heart. He stood up suddenly and made some restless steps in the room before he kneeled back to me, taking my hand again.

"Look... let me make it easier for you... Please, just listen to me, you don't have to answer..."

I cut into his words, as I leaned to him as close as possible. His face was only inches from mine.

"Marcus... you don't need to do anything for me... I'm fine, and I'll be OK..."

I stopped in the middle of the sentence. I couldn't simply finish it. Honesty didn't allow to lie this big.

"You'll be OK... alone, right? Oh, Kate, I know you try to lie, but no point... I can't believe you still didn't confess to yourself that you need somebody... That you need me..."

Oh my, he was so right. I had no idea what to answer.

He held my face in his hands and looked deeply in my eyes. I've never seen those blue eyes from so close, and he read my look like a book.

"When we first met, you looked at me just like now. You weren't aware of that, not even that I noticed." Marcus smiled at me. "You were sure I don't care, I don't listen, weren't you?"

A beam of the setting sun found its way in the jungle of buildings, and enlightened us for a minute, before it finally went down among the skyscrapers. Then it all went dark in the room. I kneeled next to Marcus on the floor carpet, and he held me on my waist.

"I thought you had serious reasons not to get closer. I was afraid there's somebody else... sometimes, when we had good talks, or when we got some cookies after classes, I waited for you saying or doing something to help me know what you want... Then on the last day, when you said goodbye, your eyes betrayed you. You looked at me as if you wanted to say goodbye forever. But you said like always before: Take care..."

He pulled me so close, that the distance could've been expressed not in inches, but in thoughts. When he talked, emotions were vibrating in his muffled voice.

"Kate... please, don't deny the feelings that you love me any longer, not even then when Honesty disappears... Because I love you too and all I want is to go back home with you to see this is no dream but reality...

No wonder I cried and laughed at the same time in this moment?

I asked him only for sake of decency:

"Tell me now, that you confessed love so nicely for me as well, will you allow me to kiss you at all?"

Whatever he answered, I didn't hear it. We kissed each other as if we'd been waiting for it for years. As if we wanted to take up each and every wasted minute and hour of the past, to press everything into one moment...

I's afraid the ancient building of the Great Library would collapse upon us, my heart was beating so loudly. Finally we let each other go gasping for breath...

Marcus was still holding me close, and I giggled silently.

"I cannot see anything..."

"We should stand up slowly, OK?"

"OK..." I laughed loudly and we pulled ourselves up carefully. By the time we felt the door by hands, we could hardly stand from laughter.

Marcus opened the door and we could already see the lights of the chandeliers in the great hall.

"Hurry, we have to go home... The others must be really worried by now..." I urged him, when in the staircase he pressed me to the wall and kissed me again. He let me go with a growl and insisted on that I go first.