My Father's Best Man

Chapter 14

"So what was she like?"

"My mom was... the closest person to a saint that I know. She never cursed. Never did anything morally questionable. One time, she was furious... I couldn't remember why. She said she really wanted to throw something. But instead, she got up and took all the books off the bookshelf and started opening them up. She lay them on the ground and then sat back at the couch. It looked like she had just thrown a tantrum, but nothing really happened. She looked around at the mess she made, and she got over it. Then she picked up all the books and started putting them back on the shelf."

"What?!"

April started laughing.

"Yeah. She was that kind of a person. And yet, it happened to her..."

"I'm sorry to hear that..."

We were up all night, talking. She talked about her upbringings, and I shared mine. I was indeed blessed compared to her situation back home, but that was never the focus of our conversation. We knew our fling wasn't going to last, but it was still nice to pour our hearts on this brief night.

"C.S. Lewis once asked, 'Why love when losing hurts so much?' Then he said, 'We love to know that we are not alone.' "

"That's beautiful. You learned that in college?"

"Yeah."

I continued on with that lie. I read a lot of theology and philosophy books back in West Lutheran. They had a huge collection in the library no one ever checked out. Kierkegaard was the one I connected with the most. I feared losing my mind like him. He loved his fiancée so much, he ended up breaking their engagement. Yet in the end, he still left her all his belongings, all his writings. I thought about that sometimes, what I would leave, who I would leave it with. But then I was reminded that I didn't have anything to begin with.

"And you play jazz?"

"Used to."

"Why'd you quit?"

"I don't know... Maybe it's because I know I won't be anyone special."

"That's no reason to quit! Most of us won't do anything great with our lives. But that doesn't mean we should all just kill ourselves!"

Again, these random profoundness... I really didn't want to fall any deeper for her, but I was losing that fight...

"Jazz... I just don't get it, man. Too funky for me." "Too funky for you?! Is there such a thing?"

She giggled and then punched me on the shoulder. "I don't get EDM either."

"It's not about getting it, man. It's about feeling the music. If it gets you dancing, it's doing its job."

I smiled.

"What?"

I didn't say anything.

"What~?!"

"No, nothing. That is exactly how I was going to explain religion to those snobs at

Brooke's wedding. I wanted to use music to explain why we're attracted to certain beliefs. It doesn't have to make sense. You just have to feel it. Like how rave is for you."

"You're too deep right now... Or I'm not high enough."

She tapped my face and got up to change. The sunlight was slowly peering through the blinds. Toby was also up, stretching his tiny paws. She picked him up with one hand.

"Tell me, Michael. Was she pregnant? Did she have a belly at the wedding?"

I thought about it very hard, trying to remember...

"No... I don't think so."

"Oh, well. Guessed that one wrong. You can't win all the time, I guess. Anyways, I gotta sleep... Still gotta work tonight. You can leave whenever."

I would stay to watch her sleep, but that'd be creepy and unproductive. What I really wanted to say to her was, "Come away with me." But we both knew that wasn't going to happen. She told me she was in a long distance relationship before. With us, it would be even worse, because it wasn't just the space between us; it was also time. I still didn't tell her I was only going to college now. Making her wait for four years would be ridiculous on my part.

"Thanks for the Watermelon Frost."

"Yeah. Keep it. I don't use it that much."

She yawned. I picked up my belongings and was still lingering on.

"...Maybe we'll see each other again."

"Maybe. Hey, if not, I'll be sure to send you an invitation to my wedding."

That one hit the spot, right on the funny bone... I couldn't stop laughing. She tittered on the side. My stomach was hurting... I had tears in my eyes. Toby started howling, and she set him down. He started running in circles. And in that moment, we were almost a family.

I couldn't freeze that moment long enough. Her sleepy eyes kept reminding me that it was time to go.

"Make sure you take good care of your Mama, Toby."

I patted his head.

She walked over and leaned against the door frame with her boy shorts on. I stepped out and walked towards the main gate. I turned back. She was still there, and so was Toby. I strode back and kissed her one last time. I kept pulling her lips with mine, trying to steal her away. With our lips still connected, she said:

"Bye."

"Bye..."