I am who I am for a reason. I always tell myself things happen for a reason. Things that have happened in my past makes me who I am today. They make me stronger as they tare me apart. I hate being in pain, I hate hearing words that send flash backs to me. I don't understand the things that have happened to me and I don't get why me. I don't get how I can live through this. It tares me apart from the inside out. It gets to a point I can't handle it. Things are rough and I don't understand why I am still here. Why did I live through a head on collision. Why me? I don't understand why I lived that night and why the lady that hit us died. Their isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the accident or about the illegal words. I cant handle knowing what happened to me with a head on collision. People don't understand how much pain I really am in. I have night mares of the car accident and I wake up not knowing where I am. People don't understand how much it tairs me apart.
The past makes me who I am. It takes me a while to finally trust someone. I push people away without even knowing it. I push then away because it is just how i trust myself. I have 4 people in my life who just come closer and i haven't pushed away. I have one true best friend who i fully trust and i still push her away and she just comes even closer. She has helped me talk to more people and become adventurous. I have people i really care about and I would die for. Even though I push them away I still care for them. I cant help but to push people away. I feel like i cant trust anyone anymore. I cant tell anyone anything without them telling other people.
I keep things to myself just to protect myself. I can't trust people. I hold my anger in tell it goes to far. You can see how I feel by the color of my eyes. My eye color goes by each emotion. Their is one person and that is my best friend who knows what each color means. She can tell what is going on just by looking at my eyes. I hold my anger, my sadness, and mixed emotions all inside. Very few people have seen me cry and that is because they know what is going on with me. They know who I am, they know how to help me, they don't know I still hide things from them.
My best friend that i have seem like I have known her my entire life. She is the only person I cant hide things from. I try but it never works. She can get me to talk. She has brought two other people into my life that I would die for. Ever since I moved up-stair I don't talk as much. I go back to being alone and not wanting people around. I have three roommates.
I am only in my room when I have to be. I don't really know my roommates, but i really like them all. They are all nice to me and one always ask me if I am doing okay. She has been really nice and I am just scared to talk. I don't know what they think of me.
I am always told and I always tell myself things happen for a reason and it will get better. "Yesterday is gone and you may not be invited to tomorrow." I need to let my past go and not burn bridges ahead of me. You never know when you need to cross the bridge and you cant cross it if the bridge is burnt down.
