I have been so use to being in the same school me entier life. Having teachers I know each year. I am now at Job Corps to continue my education. I am still trying to get use to the teachers here. I dont like it. Knowing what teachers I was going to have wasnt to hard. I cant handle it here. I thought I could adapt to the enviroment but it turned out to be harder then I expected. When I started my 7th grade I was the same way but it was easyer to adapt to cuz I was still in the same school with the same people I new. I was just In the Middle/High school aria. I just had teachers I didnt know. Things changed fast their but it was still hard. It got better throughout the year. I had people I new and I also had my older sister in school to help me figure things out and get to know the teachers. When my sister graduated high school in 2012 I didnt talk to anyone. From 7th grade tell Sophmore year my sister was their for me to help me through things. Now im in Sophmore year and my sister is gone. I stoped talking to people, to all my friend, to all the teachers, and I also stopped talking to my parents a lot. I dont like it when I dont have my sister here to help me with things. I went through the same school still hating how it was. My grades dropped and I didnt care what was going on. I didnt care about anything not even myself. My sister was in Cedar Rapids I never saw my dad, my mom was in school and working full time. Things just keep getting worse. I dont undestand that. I wanted to leave the school I was in since kindergaren. I didnt talk to many people in my class. The teachers started to worry about what was going on. I never did tell anyone. I could handle it. I felt invisable, I would always go home after school and stay in my room all day or try to get out of the house all day. Its my senior year of high school. I was in a wheelchair. I couldnt walk. It was so agrivating. I hated it. People always asked what happened and I couldnt handle talking to them cuz I pushed everyone away after sophmore year. I went through the school year all I wanted to do is get the fuck out of their. I got my grades up and graduated. I dont talk to anyone in my class that i graduated with.
I moved away from home and i am now at Job Corps. I went here cuz i though it was going to help me with things. I was wrong. I didnt know anyone. No teachers, no students, not even the town. I didnt know what to do. I didnt talk to relly anyone here for about 3 weeks and then my best friend now got me to talk to people and now i notice that I cant be pushing people way anymore. I cant help but to push people away though. I try my best to fight through things but its so agrivating and i have no idea what to do. I cant handle it. I feel lost, hopeless, scared, and worried. I try my best here and i cant do things right. I cant get my test to the right scores i need. I want to just be by myself now worry about anything or anyone. I hate it. I have been trying to stay strong and I still will. I am not going to leave and not come back. Even though i may want to leave and not came back i came here for a reason. I came here to help me fallow through with more education. I talk to many people here. I love the people I talk to and i am trying my best to get through things and not push people away.
