The Health Project

Chapter 8

~And suddenly all the love songs were about you~

We pulled up into the driveway of my house. To say I was nervous for Alessandro to meet my mom was an understatement.

I got out of the car once it was parked not bothering waiting for Alessandro which bothered him.

"You know you're supposed to wait for me. Why didn't you?" Alessandro kept his pace behind me the whole time while walking to the door but by the time he finished talking my mom had already opened the door and engulfed me into a hug.

"Hi, mama!" I said running out of breath.

"Hello, baby! I missed you." She finally let go and smiled at Alessandro who smiled his sexy smile right back flashing his pearly whites.

"You must be Isa- Alessandro. Sorry. Um, would you like to come inside for a treat?"

"Oh Ms. Bazzi, you're the all the treats I need." He grinned as if it was the best line he had.

"Ohh you." My mom slapped his arm playfully while hiding her smile with her kitchen towel.

I stood there not believing she fell for that. I scoffed to get their attention and gestured to the door.

"The air is getting out," I said with a blank face.

"Oh calm down Zeinab. He's still your man. No need to get all jealous." She walked past me into the kitchen to get whatever treats she was talking about.

"Smooth," I muttered to

Alessandro as he walked inside. I shut the door and turned around to Alessandro crossing his arms and quoting Fez.

"Oh, please. I'm a hot-looking, smooth-talking-, frisky-assed son-of-a-bitch.

I laughed while my mom got back with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk.

"Here you go, Alessandro. Follow me to the living room. I want to ask you some questions." Ugh.

I just love that my mom likes Alessandro more than her own daughter.

Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck-fantastic.

Who's quoting good show now?!

That's right! It's ya boi, skinny penis.

I'm on fire! Quoting vines now.

I spun the pickle lid and flicked it off. I stuck my hand in and fished out a nice large ass sour pickle. I took the lid and barely placed it on then walked out heading to the living room.

I can't wait to sit in silence while my mom interrogates my boyfriend.

My boyfriend.

Not realistic but I can still dream.

I sat down sucking on my pickle while my mom had Alessandro spurting out facts about himself I've already heard.

I took a big bite letting the sour juice run down my throat and arm. Before I could swallow the pickle my mom blurted out the most random thought... for her. For me, it was in every dream I had.

"Marry my daughter." My mom was just sitting there, head in her hands, staring lovingly at Alessandro.

I started joking right as she finished that absurd sentence and guess who came to my rescue.

It wasn't my mom. No, in fact, she sat in the same position, unmoving, as she watched Alessandro rush to me and shove his fingers down my throat to dislodge the pickle from it.