Fixing You

Chapter 8 - Why?

Later that week,
we're sitting in the woods, chatting and laughing whilst playing cards. when Miles asked why we were playing cards I told him it was therapeutic to which he decided not to argue.

Today he's got his usual converse on, skinny jeans, a t-shirt and his hoodie. the day is bright and warm and I'm in shorts and a vest top. Miles obviously agreeing with me that it's hot begins to take him hoodie off.

Once he's taken it off, he's left in a short sleeved top, I look at his arms and gently take one in to my lap. Miles automatically flinches slightly but remains still. I carefully run my fingers over the series of scars criss crossing his forearm. I bite my lip worried about his response to my next question.

I look him in the eyes and whisper so quietly that I'm afraid he won't hear me "Why?"

"Why not?" He replies defensively, I look at him waiting for more and surprisingly he continues "Belle, my life is a shit hole, it is seriously fucked up, you really don't want to know anymore."

This time I take his hand and squeeze it gently "I do," I say "I want to understand you."

"I'm not a science project Belle." he replies harshly.

I look down at the ground, thinking carefully about what I'm gonna say next.

My voice calm I say "Miles, I know you're not a science project and I know you think you don't want to be understood, but..." I pause then continue "I do want to understand you."

"Why?" He queries.

Unable to find the right words I lean towards him and place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Stop Belle!" He say pushing me away.

"I thought..." I stutter.

"You're too good for me! You can do so much better!" He continues angrily.

"I don't want better" I reply confidently.

This time when I kiss him, he doesn't push me away and after a few seconds he begins to kiss me back. This kiss is different it's full of fire and fear.

After a minute or so of heated kissing we pull back and stare into each other's eyes. I feel a shiver run through me, that's not just from the breeze that has decided to blow.

Miles watches me shiver and chuckles lightly as he tosses his hoodie towards me.

"Cheers" I say sheepishly.

Then he does something he's never done before, he wraps his arm around me. He whispers in my ear.

"You ask why, I'll tell you why, I do it because my dad is an alcoholic he used to come home every day from the pub stinking of booze, he used to come upstairs to mine and my sisters rooms he used to go into her room and do things to her..." at this point he gets chocked up but I rub his arm reassuringly and he continues. "2 years ago she committed suicide because I was to much of a coward to protect her from HIM." He spat the last word out.

I know this is the point where I'm meant to say how sorry I am but I can't bring myself to do it so instead i wrap my arms around him and hug him tight.