You say you wanna love me but at the same time you want me to die.
I don't understand what you want.
Maybe I deserve all of this.
The love, the compliments, the things you never gave me.
But I still gave you everything.
The hardest thing I did was walk away, still loving you.
I didn't want to say goodbye.
I dreamt of spending the rest of my life with you.
All I wanna do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because it's killing me inside.
You broke me.
You broke my heart but the thing is I still love you.
Today I realized you don't care anymore.
And then I realized you probably never did anyways.
And the saddest part of all is that you made me believe that you did.
I know that you're no good for me but it's worse without you.
Even when I try not to want you.
I end up needing you.
You're my favorite joy yet my endless pain.
I tried to hate you but the only thing I hated was how much I loved you.
With all the smiles you brought me on my darkest days.
I never thought that you could cause me so many tears.
It hurts because you were my forever when I only was your maybe.
I fucking miss you all day, every day and you can't even imagine how pathetic it makes me feel because I don't even know if you miss me back.
I need to stop thinking of you because I know you're not thinking of me.
There are nights that I cry so hard that my body aches and I shake and I have to put my head in my pillow so no one hears me.
There are also nights I'm happy that you're happy and I think everything happens for a reason.
And there are also nights where I feel nothing at all.
But there is never a night that you don't cross my mind.
