Hate Me? (Jihope)

Ten. I'm...down for it!

Hiyaaaaaaaa guys and gals! How is it going? My day has been...different. To say the least. Anyhow, I really want to finish this book as soon as possible so that I can write another Taekook fanfiction. So let's get it!
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Jimin's POV.
"Jimi-please have some sunscreen" Hoseok puts the sunscreen down next to my seat and walks off. I look down at it, contemplating for a second. You know what? Whatever. I grab the bottle and squeeze open the top. I apply the cream on my arms and every other part where skin is showing.
Since a month, I have been seeing changes in J-hope's attitude. He says that he does not care but then tells me to take care of myself. Whenever he realises that he is worrying or taking interest in me, he backs away and beats himself up to it. But I want to change that. I want to tell him that it is okay to open and loosen up a little bit. That I will not make fun of it. That I want to show affection as well.
But what he doesn't know is that if I get affectionate towards him, I will not hold back. My emotions will get the best of me and I fear that he will think that I am a crazy and deluded person who has a stalker-ish crush on my ex best friend. Or just...Maybe he's homophobic? Maybe he thinks that I am not in his league? Who knows? I sigh and take in the ocean scent and observe the beach around me.
The members decided to take a vacation for a day. The closest and the best place was the beach. Currently Namjoon and Jin are having a heated conversation. I could not hear it clearly to tell what the talk was about...after all they are sitting ten meters away from everyone, which is weird but whatever.
On the other hand, Taehyung and Jeongguk are having a somewhat intangible staring contest, mind the fact that they have been staring in to eachother's souls for the past eight minutes. I fear that they will never blink again. I chuckle at the two weirdos.
"You're a-alone, why don't you g-go talk to th-the others?"
I get startled when a certain someone taps my shoulder. I turn around 360 degrees to see that the stuttering cute boy was blushing behind me. I smile at him generously. I pick up the narrow sunscreen tube from the empty seat next to me and pat it so that he could get the signal that I was telling him to join me. His eyes follow my hands and he suddenly starts to make absurd excuses in order to get away.
"I Uh-I have to actually go and order a drink from the juice bar and..." he trails off as I yank his hand down on the seat next to me. He sits down in embarrassment as I sigh and clear my throat.
"Why are you always ignoring me? I know what I did was wrong but i still want to amend this friendship with you. So you can please talk to me only this once. Please?"
I closed my eyes and cover my face with one hand to expect a slap thrown on my face but it was actually the exact and total opposite of what I was primitively thinking. 
"How are you then?"
"Are you kidding me?" I suddenly exclaim in a loud whisper.
I blink repeatedly. Am I seeing things? If I am then, you had one job. I mentally punch myself in the stomach to regain some sense in myself. His lips delicately curve upwards as he nods positively. That's the Hoseok I know...the one who was completely sure and positive about everything. The Hoseok who was bubbly and cheerful about the littlest things. And most importantly, the Hoseok who was happy in life.
He did not used to have dark circles under his tired eyes, and his lips were not as pale as they are now, his skin was healthy. People might say that he had changed a lot. But I still see the old J-hope in him. I believe that everyone takes time and...I deserved it. He shouldn't have given me a chance, and I know that I was stupid to spend time with other members even though my heart was always searching J-hope in the crowded room.
I was stupid for avoiding Hoseok to the point where he didn't even exist. I was stupid for making him suffer. To actually make him believe that he was wrong the whole freaking time!
I hate myself and I know that I will never forgive myself for such a stupid and dumb mistake, because I came to the conclusion that even if I avoid and erase him from my life, my emotions will not hide away by themselves. And there I thought that I would fall out of love with the boy. I feared that loving another boy was a sin. But if it really is a sin then I am going straight to hell because I cannot bear it in anymore.
Suddenly I snap out of my thoughts and see Hoseok carrying a water bottle and what it seems like that he's literally and figuratively splashing water into my eyes.
"Did you have a staring contest with a ghost or something?" He asks with a narrow eyed expression. I cannot help but to smile at his adorableness. Even if he's worried, I still find it cute. "You still there?" I snap my neck towards him once  more. Blinking innocently.
"Yeah...hey. Did you know that Yoongi and Taehyung-" "Are bisexual. Why?" He asks as if it was the most obvious thing ever. I sigh and slump back into my seat. Here goes nothing. "What do you think? About being bisexual? I mean I know it's not my place to hear out your opinion or anything but I really feel like I want to know-for research. It's okay if you don't want to answer that. Completely fine with me. Gosh I asked such a stupid question-"
"I find it interesting" He says and puts a finger on my lips for me to stop. I quickly remove it as I feel like I am about to burst out with emotions.
"Are you not homophobic then?" I ask in an unsure tone. He stares at me for a second and then bursts out laughing. I get frustrated by the action. What was funny?
"The world is so obsessed with defining sexuality for everyone and attaching labels to it. Any time any person openly leaves the sexual norm, their sexuality becomes, more often than not, the absolute defining characteristic of that person. It becomes the first thing people think about and often the first thing they mention. Every other part of that person completely disappears" He holds his breath.
Um...wow.
"So if somebody is willing to give me a handjob. I'm down for it"
"What?"
"Nothing"
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Kill meh.
Bye readers!