Edward's Diary

Anticipation

Dear diary, 

“You want to what?” 

        I cringed internally as I heard the tone of Nahuel’s words over the phone. I had expected a little surprise, but the blatant shock that I was met with was, truthfully, a little defeating. 

“I’m sorry, Edward, I didn’t mean to say it that way. It just came out. Forgive me. So, you were saying?” He corrected himself immediately, and I wished I had the power to read minds over the phone, not that it would have worked with Katherine around. 

“Yes, Nahuel, I was saying that Bella and I . . . have been thinking about adopting a baby: a hybrid, to be precise.” I reiterated my words while pacing in the backyard of our cottage. Bella and Renesmee were currently at the main house, now that our daughter had gotten over her aversion to being ‘ignored’ as she had put it.  

“Yes, I got that . . . but . . . why do you need my help?” Nahuel asked me with uncertainty in his voice, and I debated whether to bring up the topic of his father with him. At last, I took the shot.  

“Um . . . well, you said—the last time you were here—that your father had created a lot of hybrids . . . for his own purpose? I was—” 

“Okay, Edward, I’m gonna stop you here. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you do not want a hybrid created by my father. And besides, I’m sure you’re looking for a baby; my sisters and brothers are all grown up, you know? They’re all almost of age.” 

“Oh, I thought—” 

“Trust me, I want to help you. I do. But the fact is that the Volturi obliterated my father years ago. In fact, they went straight to him after they paid a visit to you people. Caius wanted to destroy my brothers and sisters, but it would have ensured retaliation, since we’d already proven that hybrids are harmless. And anyways, my father practically brainwashed all my siblings. I have a hard enough time with them as it is.” I could almost hear the condescension in his voice. 

“It’s okay, Nahuel, I understand.” I nodded, a little despondently I might add. 

He was quiet for some time—I could hear his breaths—and then he asked, very timidly, “If you don’t mind . . . why . . . why do you want another baby?” 

I would have answered Nahuel in the right way, if I could. Why did Bella and I want another baby? 

        It wasn’t one of those things that we had planned ahead for; neither was it a talked about matter. It had just come up, impulsively, and it had felt . . . right. It had held the same fervor, the same zeal that I had felt when I had realized for the first time that I loved Bella, or when I had touched her belly and known that my daughter was in there. It was just . . . meant to be, I guess. It was something we never would have thought about, but something we wanted to happen deep down. 

“It’s . . . It cannot be explained, Nahuel. It just . . . happened. I guess we both decided we were ready?” It wasn’t exactly what I had planned to say, but it sufficed . . . barely. 

“Oh, I understand . . . its okay . . . I would have helped if I could, Edward, but it’s out of my control. I just . . . hybrids are not common. Vampires don’t go around impregnating women. And most of them who’re alive live in hiding. They know that the Volturi would not let them live. Yes, your altercation with the Volturi might have changed things, but . . . it’s still sort of under . . . you know. I mean, I don’t want to dissuade you or something, but . . . getting another baby is going to be hard, Edward.” 

        I don’t know if Nahuel heard my sighs from this end of the phone, but I didn’t care either way. It was hard to hear all of our problems being laid down in concrete words by him. It made adopting another baby seem impossible, which—I hated to think—it was, perhaps.