Walmart: a broke college kid just barely getting by, smokes weed, constantly holding coffee and shaking, depressed as FUCK, has a temper problem, recovering alcoholic, shoes are never tied
W: Hello welcome to Walmart, please don't shit on the floor.
W: (gets slapped with bologna by a two year old) I don't get paid enough for this shit
W: I SAID DONT FUCKING SHIT ON THE- CLEAN UP IN ISLE SEVEN!
W: GET YOUR DICK OUT OF THE TOASTER
W: (scans someone's face) rollback on the attitude bitch
W: (kid walks up) AH FUCKING GREMLINS!
W: don't fucking feed that thing past midnight
W: (sees targetto) I want to fucking die
T: aw, I love you too 😘
W: I must be in hell because you're still here
W: FUUUUUUUUU-
W: (takes a swig from a flask) "you can't drink on the job." It's not alcohol, it's bleach
W: (violently throwing up)
W: (rolls past with shades on and Redbull in a kids princess car) fuck You
W: (putting stuff in random peoples carts)
T: heya good buddy, what's up? 😚
W: (pouring hot coffee on their eyes)
W: the only crush I have is crippling depression "what about targetto?" . . . I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that
W: no orcas in the store "that's my son." . . . (Looks at child) . . . How high am I?
W: yo, Shelby, you gotta come see this, some toddlers are having a fist fight in the dairy isle
W: (sitting in a lawn chair and wearing shades while two customers fight each other)
W: (stares at the gun rack longingly)
W: you can't touch me, these slides are Gucci (chugs boiling hot coffee)
W: satan give me strength
YOU ARE READING
The adventures of Walmart and targetto (and friends)
HumorIf you want to laugh your ass off, read this
