No More [Larry Stylinson]

Ten

...

Harry nodded slowly. "Well, congratulations," he commented, not knowing what else to say. Louis looked shocked himself, now. "That's all?"

Harry felt uncomfortable. "I don't really know what to say... I didn't really think you would stop smoking." Louis lips turned downwards. "I did it for you. I still love you, you know. The past few months have been terrible." Harry's heart swelled and he wanted to say, I still love you too! Let's get back together! but his words got stuck in his throat, too shocked still to process anything that's happening.

Suddenly the door swung open and Cole stood there, looking inside and smirking when he saw Harry. "You coming, babe? We're going outside to smoke some weed." The younger boy couldn't even tell him that he didn't smoke, and hadn't Harry told Cole dozens of times how much he hated smoking? His eyes were still on Louis, who himself was looking at the door with a sour expression, his lips forming a tight line.

Harry sighed and went to follow Cole who had already disappeared again, when Louis grabbed him and turned him around to face him. "Harry, please..." he pleaded, and Harry gave him a sad look which was matching Louis'.

And then Louis was leaning forward and kissed him on the lips. Harry froze. Louis tasted like alcohol, his thin lips parting and the kiss turning desperate. The older boy trapped him against his body and the door, locking in in the process and holding onto Harry's hips.

Louis detached himself from Harry and stared up in his eyes. "I love you. I literally can't live without you, I really tried but... I can't."

Suddenly all the feelings Harry kept locking away in his mind came free, all the pain and all the sorrow in his heart that he just ignored in the hope that they would just disappear somehow.

He needed Louis just as much, missed everything about him, his touch and his love. Louis was kinda like his source of happiness, he couldn't be without him either.

"I love you too, Lou. So much." Harry whispered and leaned into another kiss. It was so familiar, the movements, the touches, the taste, even though most of it was alcohol.

And then it dawned on him when there was a knock on the door. Shit. Cole. Harry pushed Louis away and stared at him, panicked. What should he do now? Hurrying to the mirror, Harry looked at himself, at his wild hair and his red lips that told everything. Fixing himself as best as he could, Louis cleared his throat. "Harry..." Jumping at his voice, he turned to him, seeing that his hair was just as messy, and Louis looked at him sadly. "What happens now?"

Harry bit his lip. "I don't know, but... I have to get back. I... don't know, sorry." Louis nodded and avoided Harry's stare, looking at the ground now. "Sure." Then, without another word, he unlocked the door and left the room, leaving Harry with hollow feeling in his chest.

*

Outside, they really were smoking weed. Harry declined of course, but Cole still did it, one joint in his one hand and Harry's hand in his other hand. It felt wrong. They weren't even together, what even were Cole's intentions?

His thoughts were somewhere entirely else, though. He wondered where he was right now, what he was doing. Harry should be with him, he couldn't help feeling like he had done a terrible mistake by going back to Cole.

But what even was right and wrong? Did it mean anything that Louis stopped smoking? For him. Harry never wanted Louis to stop just for him, he wanted him to realize how dangerous it was and stop because of that, not because Harry, the most stupid and idiotic boyfriend, told him so. He shouldn't have just left him. He should have supported him. Helped him properly.

Harry felt tears coming up and blinked them away before looking up at Cole. He's made his decision, finally made up his mind now. "Cole."

The older guy turned to him. "Yeah?" Harry removed his hand that was being held by Cole. "I can't be your boyfriend. I-I'm sorry, but... if you even wanted to be with me to begin with, I can't. Sorry," he said apologetically, voice quiet enough so that only Cole could hear.

Cole's face was unreadable. "O-okay? Good to know," he murmured. "I don't care anyway," he added, bringing up the joint and taking a deep drag. Harry had to hold in his cough when Cole exhaled in his direction. "And," Harry started. "I hate smoking and the smell, so... I'm gonna go."

And he walked away. Looking for Louis.

*

It took a while until he found him, under the stairs in a small corner with a bottle of tequila, moping. Harry smiled automatically, knowing that's Louis' way of coping with certain feelings.

He sat next to him. "Hey."

Louis looked up at him surprised for a small second before going back to wearing a blank impression. "Shouldn't you be somewhere else?" he asked ironically.

"Yeah, I, um. I wanna say sorry. And- no, I really shouldn't be somewhere else. And I don't wanna be, either."

Louis snorted. "Sorry for what exactly?"

"I'm sorry for basically forcing you to stop smoking? I just- I hated it so much and I can't even imagine what it's like to stop something you're... addicted to? I just thought it would be easier and help you more if I gave you an ultimatum. I wanted you to be healthy, and I still do! But this wasn't the right way to do it, or maybe it was because you stopped eventually but... I don't know."

When Harry finished, he dared to look at Louis and saw him looking at Harry as well. After a few seconds of silence Louis admitted, "I just want to be with you. Whatever it takes." Harry fought with tears again and just let them spill out slowly this time. "Same. I love you, Louis."

Louis leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you too," he whispered into the kiss and both of them laughed breathlessly, foreheads touching and eyes looking into each others deeply. And then they kissed again, for maybe half an hour before they decided to continue this in Louis' flat.

•

1064 words
03/10/19