Frozen

Chapter 4: Numb

(Holiday)

I wake and fly straight up in bed, breathing heavily, memories of the nightmare still fresh. I am stuck between dreaming and awake, my conciousness as confused as I am. The blurry spots in my vision fade as I try and fail desparately to read the blinking red numbers on my clock. When the world stops spinnig I can finally process what they say, 3:00am. I rub my tired eyes and know I won't be able to go back to sleep but I lay awake in bed anyway, my eyes unable to stay shut because I am too afraid of falling back into that nightmare.

Finally I swing my legs numbly out of bed, my wild red hair knotted from twisting and turning during the night. I untangle myself from my pale violet sheets and stand up, the blood still rushing to fill out the deprived parts, as I walk my feet are on pins and needles. Unsure what to do, I walk downstairs and eat a soggy bowl of cereal even though I'm not hungry, then decide to open the sliding glass doors and step outside.

As I walk the cold snow crunches beneath my bare feet that are already red and stinging from the freezing snow. I sit down on a bare spot on the wooden deck, though it's damp and soaks through my paisely pajama pants. My legs are crossed and I look up to a sky that is barely blossoming with color. I can still see the moon slowly fading behind the brightening sky, a partial crescent, imperfect. If nothing natural is perfect, why should we be so obsessed with perfect when nature itself does not create perfection.

I sigh, this will probably be the only time I will be alone (conciously). A soft breeze stings my raw feet but is gentle on my reddened cheeks, I watch it travel to a cluster of trees whose leaves flutter gently in the growing wind. Suddenly not caring, I lay back down in the snow that is freezing on my bare shoulders, but still it feels almost refreshing behind the facade of biting cold. I take a deep breath and watch my chest rise and fall, my hair spread out around me, a stark contrast with the white snow. With the only sounds of birds and crickets and if I listen the distant ocean, it is so peaceful.

Before I know it I am waking up on the cold snow, my ears numb and my shirt's back soaked through. I sit up, dazed for a moment and looking up to see a bright morning sky blocked by a sihlouette...my mom. A confused look is knit into her freckled face and I just smile as I smell eggs cooking from the kitchen and hear the soft crackling of the pan. She asks me what I was doing out here and I just say,

"I couldn't sleep."

She takes that response as good enough and goes back to making eggs as I wonder what the ocassion is as I realize that the crackling was of bacon grilling. As if she can read my mind she says,

"The first day of December!" she's somewhat dorky like that but I smile genuinely and eat the steaming plate she hands me, obviously not telling her about the cereal I already had. Finally I rush upstairs to get ready for school as fast as I can becuase at the point I'll probably miss the bus. I throw on a long sleeve orange tribal print top and jeans, roping a gold boho-style necklace over my head just as the bus squeals to a halt. I run outside and my brown boots soak through as I pull myself up the steps and into a seat with Shay and quickly catch my breath. By Shay's expression of I-have-a-secret-I'm-not-telling I know this will be a long Friday.

..............................

As soon as I walk through the main entrance I know something is off. I spot it when I catch Sloan strutting down the halls like she owns them with one of the rebel-esque girls, an odd replacement for her usual posse of populars. I recognize the girl but don't know her name, she has a sleek black bob and all black clothing, though something is different about her. She walks like Sloan with posession and has an air of the I'm-too-good-for-you that Sloan always radiates. I finally catch the difference when she cocks her head slightly and we lock eyes, hers are as cold as Sloan's, dark brown and animal-like, feral and hungry. I take a step back and she turns her head away, my realization slowly fades to a memory I can't acess and I'm left confused. What's going on?

At lunch I see Rachel's table missing what I thought to be its newest permanent fixture, leader, and see that the mean Rachel is back though she has an expression on her face like a lost puppy, ditched by her new role model. I also notice that she's missing a few of her followers, Jessica and Brooke, who I finally spot sitting with Sloan across the room and her new #2 the gothic girl.

I turn my attention back to Kat and Shaylee only to see that their eyes are trained on Sloan and her group too. When they come back to reality Shay goes off like bomb talking feverishly about the dance,

"So Micheal said he could get us into Aaron's after party and its where everyone is going to be, he said plus one so I'm bringing you and you can bring Kat! It will be so awesome!" Shay squeals and I have what probably looks like a queasy look on my face because I am unsure. These kinds of things will have alchohol and I don't want to get in anything illegal.

"Shay, uhm, I'm not so sure about this. I mean, do you think its really a good idea?" we spend lunch talking about this and I bite my lip, worried. Hopefully she breaks up with Micheal before then. Her relationships tend to last a week anyway. I pick at my salad and catch Sloan out of the corner of my eye and for a minute I swear she was staring at me. I shiver, suddenly cold.

..............................

My feet were barefoot, placed evenly apart as I stood on the sandpaper-like floor that ground into my heels. My forehead had broken out into a nervous sweat, and my heart beat like a drum so fast I thought it might explode, my stomach tumbling and my whole insides going haywire. Suddenly a loud horn shattered the silence that had been built on anticipation and in one quick second my feet scraped metal and pushed off...and I was underwater. Running on pure adrenaline I powered forward, the water breaking at every stroke that send a violent splash creating a bubble of flying water around me as my world become centered around gasping breaths for air. My ears were blocked by the force field of water that kept the cheers I knew were screaming for their teams away.

I also knew that with only a long plastic stripe between us, Sloan was living in the sane world.

At a turn of my head I could see her powering through the water, directly in line with me. In a second I flipped against the rough wall in a feat of perfect timing then continued on, my arms moving as fast as they could though they were exhausted. Now Sloan was just ahead and I put on my extra burst on speed, I knew all the others were far behind us. I saw the finish so close, it was a struggle for victory between us. Just a second and my hand connected with the wall, slamming my time finished and my arm deep into it's socket. Everything was moving quickly and a blur around me as I hauled myself out of the water.

I stood up and blinked my eyes open that still stung red from the chlorine, expecting a congratulating teammate...but there was no one. I looked around and saw a flash of pale blonde as Sloan was surrounded by the other swimmers, cheering for her win. I felt myself deflate and looked over to catch her eye, see how she was after her first meet. I should've known better by now but her pale blue eyes stopped me cold, a chill taking over my body. Despite the loud pandemonium of cheering throughout the room, our eyes were locked together, a vicious grin on her face. I cross my cold, dripping arms over my chest and watch Sloan laugh with the girls, my brows knit together in confusion. She'd only been on the team for four days and already she had every last person under her thumb, able to crush them with the tiniest flick of her wrist.

This seemed like more than popularity.