Wunderkind

1.16-Hook

*Mentions of past self-harm*

URUGUAY

TWO MILES FROM EXFIL

Mac's not really sure how he got into this mess. Well, really he understands the logistics of it, both the mission they're completing and the particular circumstances of how exactly he and Jack got into this particular sticky situation. It's just not something he thought was actually going to happen to him in real life.

And to top the whole thing off, Jack won't stop talking. "Drowning in quicksand... this ain't gonna be fun, bro. This has gotta be, like, one of the worst ways to die. And I've got a list. This is right below having all my blood sucked out by vampires, which is right under having my brains feasted on by radioactive zombies. Or becoming a zombie. That counts, right? Cause you have to die to be undead?"

Mac sighs. Only Jack would turn a situation like this into a chance to discuss his fascination with the undead. "First of all, vampires and zombies aren't real. They're not going to kill you, so you should just take those off the list right now. And really, most people don't even die from drowning in quicksand. It's a colloid hydro-gel; sand, clay, and water." That was one of Mr. Ericson's favorite subjects. Probably because another one was debunking scientifically inaccurate movies. Mac's never told Bozer he wasn't the first one to ruin movies for him.

Jack laughs. "Oh, I was wrong. Drowning in quicksand while getting a science lecture, that's the worst way to die."

"Jack, I just said most people don't die from drowning. They die of, like, sun exposure, dehydration, or uh, you know, starvation. Or if, if we're really unlucky..."

"Okay, all right, that's enough. No. Stop. That's enough. I get it, I get it. Just..." Jack pauses. "I had a dream about this once."

"How'd it end?" Mac asks.

"I died." Jack glances at Mac. "Can't you just use that big, stupid head of yours to make, like, a grappling hook out of a helicopter or something?"

"I could. If we had any of that stuff," Mac mutters.

"What about a vine? Like in The Princess Bride ? You know, when Westley dives in after Princess Buttercup?" Jack shrugs, well, as much as he can when he's buried from the shoulders down.

"None of them are close enough to reach. In case you forgot, I already tried that."

"Well, I haven't seen any flame spurts, but we have managed to discover the lightning sand. And I really hope there aren't any Rodents Of Unusual Size waiting around to snack on us."

"Well, actually the capybara, the largest living rodent, is native to these parts." Mac can't resist needling Jack. After all, this whole thing is kind of Jack's fault. I should be the mature one and start thinking of a way out, but I can't resist. "They can grow to up to a hundred and fifty pounds."

"Oh man." Jack glances around like he expects a monstrous rat to burst out of the foliage. "I don't want to drown in quicksand and get my head chewed off by an ROUS."

"Relax, they're herbivores," Mac chuckles slightly in spite of himself. "Now stop worrying and let me think! "

Ten minutes later, Jack is still asking if they're any closer to getting out. And Mac still has no plan.

"This is your fault, you know," Mac hisses. He thinks he has a right to be a little angry. He's getting sunburned, but everything from his waist down is frigidly cold. And there's mud in places mud has no right to be. It's a truly disgusting feeling and he just wants to get out of here and take a shower. Unfortunately, getting out is kind of the current problem. "If you hadn't gotten scared of that harmless water snake and yanked us both into this pit, we wouldn't be here."