Losing Layla

Josh

"And you were going 120 down a one-way road

Like a runway

and all you wanted to hear

your favorite song"

- EightyNinety

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My mom used to dance in the kitchen. I remember that so vividly because that was one of the last times I saw her without tear-stained cheeks. 

She would make us pancakes every Saturday as a way of saying, you made it through the week good job. While she made them she would dance around the kitchen listening to love songs, using a wooden spoon as a mic. And every Saturday her face would light up when my dad entered the kitchen and he would always dance with her. Sometimes they'd forget about the pancakes, and they would burn. So we'd all go to IHOP and eat those pancakes. 

God, I remember my parents used to be so happy. I never thought two people loved each other more. But then again did I even know the first thing about love? I mean here I was cleaning up the pieces left behind. 

I walked out of the kitchen putting my bowl into the sink. I walked into the living room to see my mom asleep on the couch. I put a blanket over her and kissed her forehead.

"Bye mom, I love you" 

I walked out the door not waiting for her to respond because I knew she wouldn't. She just slept through the days and worked through the nights. She was an ER nurse, and she only took night shifts. I think it was her way of avoiding her demons, and kids.

I got into my Jeep and drove to school. I always hated the quiet it let me think too much so I just turned on the radio to random station. The song 'Lovebug' by the Jonas Brothers used to play, it was also my mom's favorite song to dance to. I immediately switched the station to some news radio. I was barely listening to it, it was just the hum of noise that helped me calm down until I heard something that caught my attention. 

Teen in Staton Coneticuit has attempted suicide. She was quickly rushed to the hospital and is doing well. Pray for her family at the dinner table today everyone. The alleged victim is now thought to be 17 years old, Layla Sanders.

My first thought was that they pronounced her name wrong, but when the pieces came together. I began to freak out. 

I had just seen her two days ago. She looked happy, I thought she was happy. I can still remember how she smelled like lavenders and how her thick hair was wavy, like shed just taken it out of a braid. I remember how she was when she was drunk out of her mind in the backseat of my car. How miraculous she looked, how so was so beautiful but didn't know it. 

The more I thought about her the more I realized, I barely knew her. But dammit I would've loved to have gotten to know her. And a small part of me thought it was my fault. I am the one that wished for something horrible to happen so I could think about it instead of being paranoid. 

Fuck