Desperate for Hope

Morning After

When I wake up, the first thing I notice is the throbbing sensation in my head. It feels I got hit in the head with a rock. Opening my eyes fully, I take in my surroundings. I realize I'm not at camp but a hotel room. What the hell happened last night? I don't remember much of anything. I sit up from the bed and notice I'm not wearing any clothes. I feel a weight shift behind me. Oh fuck! Did I sleep with some guy I met at the saloon?!

I pull the blanket abou was my chest to cover my self and lean toward the sleeping body to get a look at the man. I feel him shift slightly to get more comfortable and I get a clear look at his face.

It's Arthur Morgan and he also isn't wearing any clothes. The blanket stopping just before his navel. His chest is exposed as he lies there asleep on his back.

I..we...I slept with Arthur last night?!? Oh lord did I throw myself at him? How did this happen? My mind floods with a million questions. Do I wake him? Do I sneak out of the room? What if he remembers and knows I snuck out of the room?

I finally decide it's probably best to wake him, possibly apologize. Carefully I bring my jeans to his bear chest and give him a light nudge to wake him. He grunts a little, scrunches up nose and waves his hand a little like he's swatting a fly. His eyes remain closed, clearly still asleep. I try again, this time a little harder.

This seems to have done the trick. He wakes up and let's out a loud groan, still dazed.

"Arthur" I speak out timidly, testing the waters. My voice immediately brings him out of his daze and his eyes open right away. He looks at me with a slightly shocked expression.

"Victoria?" He questions in a rough morning voice. He looks around his surrounding then looks at me and looks down, noticing I'm not wearing anything but the blanket. Fuck I should have put my clothes on before i woke him. I think to myself completely embarrassed.

"Did we....?" He starts , I feel my face heat up, I give out a small nod.
He lays back down and stares at the ceiling defeated. "Shit" is all he says.

I follow his actions laying back down staring at the ceiling as well. "I know" I say in voice just above a whisper.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation. I raise still covering my chest with the blanket. I can't bare to look at him.

"Can....can you turn away so I can..um...get changed?" I say timidly.

"Oh right...sorry" Arthur says unusually flustered.

I feel him shift in the bed and take that time to put my clothing back on. I can't believe I did this. I feel so guilty knowing this had to be my fault, because of my feelings for him, I know I was the cause of this.

After I'm dressed, I can't turn around and see his expression, I can't look into those eyes.

"We should probably forget this happened." I finally say, hating myself for all of this. Without looking back or wait for his reply, I grab my things and head out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When I arrive back at camp, i go straight for my tent. I close the flap, desperately wanting to be alone. Even after all this I still have one hell of a headache. I close my eyes and force myself to try and go to sleep, not caring that it's the morning.

I wake up a few hours later. I have no idea how I can face Arthur again. Suddenly it hits me. What the hell happened to Lenny? Then another question sprints to mind. Does he know about Arthur and I? Fuck.

Regardless of my thoughts I force myself out of the tent and look around for Lenny.

Letting out a sigh of relief I see him sitting by a tree. The look on his face tells me he has the same headache I do. Timidly I slowly approach him.

"Hey Lenny....crazy night last night huh?" I say in a quiet voice.

"You're tellin me. I woke up in a cell?" He says "what the hell happened?"

Feeling relief that he didn't know about Arthur and I, I rely " I have no idea."

"Where did you and Arthur go anyway." He asked,

I feel my heart beat pick up and quickly respond. " I got a hotel room. I think Arthur did the same, I'm not too sure I didn't see him" I lie

"Maybe, he hasn't come back yet."

"Really? I wonder where he is." I say
"I should probably go see if Grimshaw needs any chores done, I really don what her yellin' at me with a headache like this." After I said this I wondered away quickly finding some chores to do, desperate to take my mind of last night and this morning.

Later during the day I hear the unmistakable of hood beats. I look over and see Arthur returning from camp. I see him look at me but I quickly look away. What am I going to do?