Desperate for Hope

The Party

In the early hours of the morning, I awake to the loud talking of the camp. Still in a daze I poke my head out of the camp to see what all the commotion is about.

I notice the unmistakeable bowler hat of Sean's. They're back! Sean's back! Arthur is back! I can't but feel an immense amount of joy at his return, include Arthur's.

Quickly I get changed into my usual black skirt and burgundy dress shirt. And head over toward the group.

"Sean McGregor I cannot believe you managed to not get yourself killed out there." I say with a large grin on my face.

"Ay well there's a nice way to greet a friend" He retorts back obviously very happy to be back with his family.

"We are all happy to see that Mr. McGregor has been safety returned!" Dutch booms out. Several of the members cheer in agreement. "Tonight we celebrate, bring out the beers and music, were going to have a party!"

A party sounds pretty good right about now, these past few weeks has been a stressful time for everyone. The gang can use a night off to drink and forget about the problems at hand.

"In the meantime, everyone get back to work." Mrs. Grimshaw announces.

Trying to keep myself busy I start to get to work I the camp chores. After feeding and watering the horse, I pull out a brush and begin to brush some of the gangs horses.

I start to work on Hosea's horse Silver Dollar, his coat is a soft grey color. A really beautiful horse. As I was brushing I lift my head a little enjoying the nice day, feeling the soft breeze on my cheeks. I look across camp and spot Arthur talking with Dutch. He looks toward my direction and sees me looking, he smiles and slightly nods his head at me. Oh great he caught me looking. To hide the blush on my face I turn my head down and continue my task., hoping I didn't make a fool out of myself.

This is so unlike me. Whenever it comes to men I'm normally confident, but whenever he looks back into my eyes I feels as though my strength is crumbling beneath me. I can't help but feel disappointed in myself, when I joined this gang I told myself not to get involved with any of the men romantically. Now here I am daydreaming bout the third in command of the gang.

There is something different about him than any other man I've ever encountered. We may be outlaws but underneath it all he's a good man. Always doing the right thing whenever possible. He doesn't think much of it either, still regarding himself as a lowlife criminal. A part of myself deep down wishes I could talk with him and tell him how I feel. What a girly thing of me to think of. I ain't some damsel in need of savin, I'm damned outlaw!

I let out a long sigh and try to get back to work brushing. I get so lost in my test that I don't notice the man approaching behind me.

"Them horses are lookin' fine" Arthur's unmistakeable voice speaks out, breaking me out of my train of thought.

"Oh sorry I didn't see you there." I reply

"Noticed you saw me across the way when I was havin' a chat with Dutch." Arther said is usual rough droll.

My heart started to beat faster and I could feel my face heating up. I quickly came up with a lie.

"Oh that? I was just enjoying the spring air when I caught your eye" and obvious lie but I tried to make it sound as convincing as possible.

"Right" Arthur, with a tone that suggested he didn't believe me.

"So you happy that Sean's back" he continued

Feeling relief from the subject change I respond. "Honestly I am, it weren't the same without him" looking over you both see he's chatting away at anyone who would listen to him. "But I did enjoy the peace and quiet"

"Don't think we're gonna see much of that now that he's back" Arthur replies with a chuckle.

"You didn't run into any trouble rescuing Sean did you?" I ask, trying not to sound too concerned.

"No more than usual." He spoke.
"Why you worried bout me" Arthur asked a smirk on his face.

"Me? Psh no. Just wonderin' is all. Considerin' the Pinkerton has chasing us down for weeks." I respond quickly.
"How's that cut in your cheek anyhow?"

"Should be fine in a few days I reckon" he says putting his hands on his belt.
"I suppose I'll let you get back to your work then" with that he turned and headed back to work the others.

As he turned his back at him, I couldn't stop my self from watching him leave. He's got some sort of hold on me. Part of me feels like he knows but maybe he does it will all the girls. That thought upset me most of all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After some time passes night comes along and the camp has never been more alive.

Almost everyone is here, 'cept Lenny and Micha who still hasn't returned from there trip to Strawberry. Most of the gang is talking by the fire or playing some poker. Nearly everyone has got a bottle in hand.

Music fills the air as Javier is happily strumming away on his guitar. Karen's and Sean seem to be getting pretty cozy together while she sittin' in his lap. Although Karen may deny it, she defiantly cares for Sean.

A part of my heart aches at the sight of them. It's been so long since I've been with a man, romantically or otherwise. Being an outlaw and all doesn't give you a lot of time to socialize with the opposite sex.

I go over by the fire, enjoying the warmth it brings and join the group in a song. I don't sing as much, I'm not that drunk yet. The gang seems to be having a good night.

I get up to go get another bottle of beer from the stash by Dutches tent. The music playing is on and I notice Dutch and Molly are softly dancing with the music. It's sweet, they haven't really had a moment together since the mess in Blackwater. Something else catches my eye, Arthur and Mary-Been h are dance together as well. Hand in hand, her hand is on his shoulder while his other hand is on her waste. The sight of them together brings a pain in my heart, and I cannot bare to look any longer. Trying my best not to catch attention to myself, I grab a bottle and leave off to the edge of camp.

As I make my way toward the tree, I see Charles still guarding the camp. Even while the party is going on he would rather stay at his post than join the celebration.

I approach him and seat myself on the closes rock. Taking a sip of my beer I say looking forward. "So you're not joining the others?"

I notice from my peripheral vision, I can see him shake his head slightly. "It's not really my crowd, besides someone needs to keep watch."

I not my head in agreement. Still looking forward. Charles is such a quiet man to begin with that the silence doesn't feel awkward.

"Why aren't you with the rest of them?" He finally breaks the silence.

"It's gettin' a little stuffy there, so many people you know? I needed to get some space and collect my thoughts." I continue. "After all that business in Blackwater, you'd think I'd be more interested in some fun, but I can't being myself to it."

"I understand. The with the life we live it's hard to get comfortable enough to have fun." I nod my head in agreement.

" I'm tired of all this stress. I don't know if it's just me but I would rather lie low for a little. Not keep stirrin' up trouble to get by." I continue "Dutch has been working on a plan and I hope it works out" as I as I bring a hand to my hair and rib my head.

"If you need to take your mind off the stress of camp, you can join me hunting tomorrow? Pearson mentioned we needed more food." Charles offers.

"Sure sounds nice to get out of here for a bit." I say, feeling better just talking to him. Charles is always a good friend and give me peace of mind.

I get up, "Well if we are going hunting tomorrow morning, id better get some rest." With that I wave him off and head back toward camp to my tent. It's a good call to because most of the gang is pretty drunk right now, and they turn into a rowdy bunch when the drink.

Before I turn into my tent, Arthur catches my eye. Instead of him catching me staring, I notice that he was already looking at me. When he looks into my eyes, he's smiles a small but charming smile and lets out a small wave. I give him a small smile in return and continue into my tent.