suicidal science

chapter 1

Dull

1 word, 4 letters, 1 syllable.
This accurately complements my entire life. If I had written a book about my life it would surely flop. How I wish I could die tomorrow. if only I could stop waking up, if only I could lose my breath with all these sighs. I would gladly end this tedious life in a ditch, but something’s preventing me from doing it.

Pain…..

I don’t want to experience pain. I’ve already researched about painless ways  to die. And chloroform it is! though carbon monoxide inhalation was my first option, the possibility of destruction is undoubtedly high. Considering that I don’t have a car and placing a stove beside me would’ve been the last resort. Chances are I will burn the house or I will burn myself when I’m not even dead yet. That would’ve hurt like despair.

Chloroform huh?  I like the idea of it embracing my veins but no. I rejected the thought of it, it’s too painful…Cowardice suggested that I should just inhale it. Suicidal thoughts forced into coming here in the mall, buying supplies I would need in making chloroform. I got the ingredients memorized in my head. Funny how I can memorize it easily while I forget my mother’s birthday.

“and the last one”
I reached for the chlorox and proceeded in paying it in the counter .

“miss may I go first??? I’m in a rush”
A shameless guy asked me with an annoyingly cute tone and an eye smile. I stepped aside letting him take my place. I didn’t allow him because he’s cute or anything. It’s just the normal thing to do. if there’s anything  I’ve learned from my hypocritical father it’s “to be polite”. I looked down waiting  for my turn. After a couple minutes of waiting  I finally got out of the supermarket. I was walking  towards the exit but something caught my eye, a letter to be precise The letter M. Eating my last dinner in Mcdonald’s? The best moments really go unplanned.

“here’s your happy meal ma’am!”
One of the crew exclaimed cheerfully. I stared at her smile and it was revolting. I pity people like her. People who pretend to be happy, people who are so selfless that they became oblivious to their own emotions. I’m grateful that I’ve spent my whole worthless life without being  tainted with the slightest hypocrisy. But here I am planning on killing myself. Well, the cause of my death isn’t really my fault. It’s the world’s fault for being so boring…
I smiled genuinely glancing at my happy meal. Did I already mention how fond I am of irony? Could  thousand of happy meal make a person like me happy? No….. even  I don’t know what could make me feel happy and satisfied.

“do you mind?”
My train of thoughts came to an end when the same man that I met at the supermarket spoke . His lips was pointing to the table.

“yes”
I said bluntly without a second thought. I was trying to be polite earlier because I wasn’t in a hurry but now he’s abusing my kindness. Who is he anyway?

“I can help you make chloroform”
My face remained apathetic not a slight evidence that I was quite surprised by what he said. After a couple seconds of contemplating I signaled him to sit beside me like I have no choice because I actually don’t.

“why would I need your help?”
I inquired sending daggers at him.

“well first off, if you wont accept my help I would alert the police, the school, and your parents that you, miss Kristine lemons are going to commit suicide. I suppose that is enough reason for you to accept my help?”

This guy’s confidence is sending shivers down my spine and I may call it “cringe”.

“oh and how do you know my parents? And how sure are you that I’m going to kill myself?”
I responded sternly but my well-thought response only earned a laugh from him

“then how are you planning on using the chloroform? knocking people out and kidnapping them? Okay then I will just alert the police about that. And miss lemons I know things about you.”

He sounded like a stalker. Wait, is he black-mailing me? Leaves me no choice besides he’s just offering help anyway. What am I so cautious about?
“okay fine. I’m accepting your help but what’s the payment? Don’t tell me it’s free because even God knows that life is all about give and take”

“oh dear, I never said it’s free. Here’s the deal . I can kill you painlessly with all my experimental substances and potential poisons if you get to be my guinea pig. The contract ends by the time you die. Soooooo? Fair and square right?”

My apathetic facade is now gone. I peered at him. His grotesque yet enthralling smile made my heart accelerate. His passionate yet inhumane eyes met mine.

“deal”