A Year Around the Sun

n i n e - i'm trying to protect you

baby, you're like lightning in a bottle,
i can't let you go now that i got i t . . .

🌊🌊🌊

As my quivering ankles locked up when I reached them, Sadie was the first to notice my presence. I felt a wash of relief at the pretending smile that pulled at her lips.

"Hi," she greeted, trying to cover up the obvious tension in the group. I lifted the corners of my tight-lipped mouth, hurriedly glancing at each of the twins.

Caleb's eyebrows were raised in a way that said he knew what was about to happen. His lips were pursed, arms crossed over his chest like he was reminding me of what I had to do. Noah was a whole different story.

My eyes just about caught a glimpse of his face. That was all I could handle. I addressed the fact that he was there, and that was about it. No reading into his eyes, no predicting the look on his features. Nothing.

Sadie turned to her boyfriend and cocked her head to the side. "Wanna go get a beer or something?" She asked Caleb in a small voice.

"Sure," he nodded, taking his eyes off me to look at her. Both of their eyes latched onto mine, then Noah's, sending us mixed signals. They walked off without saying anything else.

Rolling my lips into my mouth, I faced Noah now and dared looking into his eyes. There wasn't a sign of any emotion in them; it was like looking into an abyss.

If he keeps up that look, maybe this won't be so hard after all.

"Can we talk?" I murmured.

"Yeah," he rasped, his tone sounding like he didn't really have any other choice but to agree. His gaze remained on the ground, hands dangling aimlessly by his sides.

When I motioned for him to follow me, we kept a safe distance between us while walking toward the back of Mason's broad backyard. We were away from a majority of the party, with a couple of people lazing around by the shed to smoke a cigarette. Aside from that, the two of us were alone and I couldn't tell if it was a good thing or not.

I ran a hand through my hair, not knowing where to begin with this talk. We've been avoiding it for so long that it's almost impossible to have it. But with the amount of pep talks I've had this week from Jodie and Sadie, it's safe to say I think I'm ready. They've prepared me for this moment and there's no backing out now.

I thought about going easy on him by trying to get through this with as little mess as possible. Then I erased that idea as Jodie's words bounced around inside my head. Get drunk, corner him, and spit it out.

Since he wasn't saying anything and didn't look like he was going to start anytime soon, I decided to speak up.

"Can you just hear me out for a minute? Can I say what I need to say without any interruptions?" I started off, figuring I could ask for at least that much of him.

He took his eyes off the ground and cast them up at me, faintly nodding his head in confirmation. At that, I sucked in a sharp breath and the words came gushing out instantaneously.

"We both know we've had to have this talk for a really long time, but I think we're on different pages. Because of that, I'm just gonna come out and say it..." I said, waiting a moment as an attempt to compose myself. I put my hands together in front of me, focusing directly on his empty eyes. And here it comes. "I don't like you, in the way that you like me."

At first, I thought that maybe some kind of hurt would flash across his face. Something to tell me that he was affected by my blunt confession. A normal reaction to having your heart ripped straight from your chest. But I didn't get any of that – instead, he blinked.