Smudges

Wilting Rose

Laying in my bed tonight I reach over to my apron pocket since everyone has fallen asleep. I pull out my rose. I finger the silky petals that have started to wilt from the heat and lack of water.
In the quiet I can gather my thoughts, who left me this rose, I mean it was purposely placed. I let my thoughts wonder to Malachi. Only briefly because It feels almost sinful to let my thoughts linger to long. If someone were to know I was thinking of a slave they may punish me the way I see my father punish some of the dark skinned people on the farm. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy as I rub the petals softly almost memorizing them. My mind slow as my thoughts sometimes drown deep inside I feel I have heard a calling in the wind that I cant make sense of, or in the water when I look in my own reflection rippling. My beliefs are not of my own but what I have been forced to believe, i feel my thoughts drift slower until i feel my self give into the silence and let my mind rest.

I awaken to my father railing on my door to get dressed at once that we have a visitor. Oh but it is a Sunday I just wanted to sleep at least until the shades of pink leave the skyline.

" Sparrow" his gruffy voice drew my name as if each syllable has made his anger grow, " it has only been 3 minutes pa... I am coming" I half yell.

I tie my apron and throw my hair up in a loose pile on top of my head that I fasten with the only 5 pins I have. At this point he throws open my door "come now child we have company and your mother had to go and tend to Mrs. Janet, she was having one of her aches in her head again.

As I walk to the kitchen I can see the back of a mans head siting on a chair in our gathering room. I didn't bother to care who he was. I know my father just wanted me up and in there to make oat rolls because ma was out. I walk to the cabinets and pull out our larger can of rolled oats. Its already sticky and warm in our house I can feel beads of sweat forming on my upper lip and the soft hairs falling from my hair around my face trying to stick to the sides of my cheeks.

As I finished up, I grabbed a tray and put the bowls on with two cups of water. I stepped in the gathering room as my pa announced my entry.

"This is our Sparrow" he turns to me .

"This is Collum he is staying with us to help with the farm and to help his own family in his country, his father is a cousin of my 3rd cousin by marriage".

I try to process what he said. I speak up as I look at Collum, this was the first time I looked at him as I say " so is he our cousin, pa".

" No sparrow well, by marriage a distant but not by blood".

He smiles at the man who I have determine must be around 30, his hair I cannot determine the color is a red but not orange it's more of a darker serious red. Bright green eyes and small freckles lines his nose. I could tell even with him sitting in the chair but he seems to be so very thin and frail.

" My pleasure, Ms. Sparrow " he holds out his hand which is surprisingly so small next to my long dainty thin fingers. I hand him his bowl and smiled so light. His finger brush against mine, i think swiftly to pull my hand back.

My pa speaks quickly " Collum is from the Scotland across the ocean". So that explains that unique accent I had never heard.

Sparrow better be getting on down the road to relieve your ma, she will need to start supper we need something grand for our new guest. I expect you to be home in time to help with the final preparations.

"Please sir you need not do all of that on my part" Collum said as they conversed back and forth a few mins.

I gather my things to leave, I turned to nod ay our guest so i don't appear rude.

He flashes me a smile as I see his eyes traveling up and down me. I know I have grown into a woman, I am tall, not short and stout like my Ma. My long brown waves have hints of the yellow from the sun. I am rather thin and frail. I know not if I am judge to be a beauty but I do not think of myself as ugly.

Glad to have shut the door behind me. I quickly take long strodes towards the plantation. I reach in my apron and pull out the small rose. It is now almost completely wilted and turning brown on the edges. I tuck it back in the front pocket. I inhale the many fragrances that now come swirl in the air as I near the plantation. A little secret my Ma told me was the reason there are so many flower and plant is Mrs. Janet being from up in the country somewhere up north, she has been sad and has became sickly here. Her husband continues to have flowers planted and gardens to try to make her happy. Ma said she hates it here. I am not sure the reason why, but I know better than to ask.

I turn the corner to walk to the gate of the plantation and smacked right into someone. I look up

"Malachi, I'm so sorry I didn't see you there". I ramble out

" Its ok birdie, better be keeping that head out of the clouds". He had grabbed me so I didn't stumble to much by instinct I know, he quickly let go . I looked at the slight pink that had formed in his cheeks as he stuttered to apologize. i straightened up. He must've glanced down 5 times in the small sentence of I'm sorry I didn't mean to grab you. Why i had stood there and couldn't seem to move or speak i did not know I felt paralyzed in that few seconds. He looked back up and i stepped back, He almost looked scared. I reached out to say it was ok, but i pulled my hand back in. How inappropriate that may have looked. I smiled up at him softly and turned on my heel to walk away. We had already been standing there to long as it was.

  " Birdie" . I heard him say don't forget to stop and smell the roses. I stopped dead in  my tracks. I spun around on my heels. I felt so brave as I walked back up to him. He stood there. I got inches away I tilt my chin up. Never have I seen such a massive human. I could smell the fragrance of dirt and maybe cedar wood.

   "Did you leave me that rose" I whispered as if the trees themselves might hear me, just now I notice his skin looks like it has never had a blemish. I almost want to touch it to just see if it feels the same as my own, surely it doesn't. Its so different, I catch myself starring.

   "Birdie, I must be leaving they will cut my back with the leather if I'm seen talking to you this close" he almost whispered.

I realized he didn't answer me.

   I took a step closer, "thank you" I said as I pulled the wilting rose out of my apron. I looked up at him. I saw him glimpse around, something startled him as he brushed past me. I now watched him walk away. Confusion has engulfed me.