"Hey Maddie!" I struggle when she harshly continue pulling me towards the building. "Why the hell you grab me here?! I don't want to go!" I continue struggling but there is no use.
As a result, I'm too tired when we finally arrive to our seats. My hair is a little bit messy when we get there while the btch beside me is merrily waiting for the show to get started. I don't want to be here, but still. I manage to comb my hair wit using my fingers.
She didn't inform me to dress up. I'm just wearing a plain white spaghetti strap and a grey jogging pants paired with white sneakers. That freaking sister of mine!
"You're so ugly whenever you crease your forehead," She says then rolls her eyes
I grit my teeth and continue creasing my forehead as a response.
"I will knock you down later!" I murmur "watch out"
The shows starts after a couple of minutes. We're not in the front seat but I'm not still sure if Jonny can see us here. I'm trying best to hide my face anyway.
"You should've had given my ticket to someone else," I say in annoyance.
"Excuse me, ugly lady" She says, rolling eyes. "Your ticket was originally my boyfriend's tix" she adds.
"Awe, your boyfriend has no time for you, "I say, wanting to annoy and not wanting to be defeated by her.
"Oh, someone is here" says by someone I don't even know.
She gets attention. I remove my sight to my sister and tilt my head to take her. I don't know this girl but she's with laureen on her poker face.
The unknown girl sits beside me, next to her is Laureen, then their other friends on their left part seats.
I didn't bother pestering my sister again. My mouth suddenly zips. I just found myself silently watching him performs, not minding other people's screams and even though this annoying girl beside me have scratched my skin! She's like a cat! We're not close but she's acting like we are!
"I'm so proud of him, Lau" Over dramatic says by my seatmate.
Hey, let me call her cat because she's like one! My skin has instant rashes! And mind if I tell you this, she's a copycat! She's mimicking everyone!
"I need fresh—"
But before I finish what I'm saying, Maddie grabs my wrist and tightly grips it.
"You don't need it. What you need is to refresh. And you're already given a chance to...."
She says although she's intently watching the show.
I'm trying not to get attached by everyone's scream. It's bothering my ears but I can't find a way to get outta here. It becomes louder when his friends come out from the backstage.
Silence stands out when he start singing a melodramatic song. My tears start to pool down my cheeks. I can feel its hotness both sides. As he continue singing our favorite song, I cry harder. I take my handkerchief from my pants pocket to wipe my tears.
I take my phone too disturb myself, but I guess everything has no use right now. I can't even leave this place. Damn it!
I didn't dare to face the stage until the concert was over. After he sang the song, I faced the floor. That was the only thing I thought I could do.
My wrist hurts so much this night. Maddie drags me again. She really thinks that I'm in a good stage to just drag me! My body is aching.
"Maddie"
"Everyone is free to leave if they want to," Lau say in a cold tone.
I know it's my fault. She was my friend but I didn't inform her why I ignored them so sudden. I wonder if she's and Maddie are still friends because Maddie knows everything. My sister is not me, and it's been six months already. I accept if she doesn't want me to be her friend again but I hope she's okay with my sister.
I let her pull me until we reach where the whole team is. Everyone congratulates Jonnhy for his concert's success then thanks them after.
I didn't speak. I want to hug him right now, but I also resist myself. I just keep quiet, observing those people congratulating him. When Maddie frees my wrist, I take the chance to go in the corner.
It's half an hour when the congratulatory parts take place. My hearts starts to beat when his eyes catch mine. He didn't waste time. I'm caught-off guard when he's already standing in front of me.
"Please talk to me"
I look his eyes. Sadness. Loneliness. Can't you become happy without me? Because the time will come, and I will permanently leave your side that time
I simply nodded. This is the right time giving him the closure he deserves
He hugged me when we finally exited area. I hugged him back.
"Stop thinking negatively. Those what ifs are just deceivers. Worry less, I will never leave your side again no matter how hard you try on pushing me away."
My tears pool down harder. I can barely breathe, but the exhilarating feeling is so evident in me. Seeing him is like the pain I've been carrying for years become only a debris that fast.
I dismantle our hug to give him a plain folded paper that I always carry in my phone case wherever I go. There is written a song lyrics I've composed during my excruciating days.
I cannot help it. For the fourth time, tears flow again. "I cannot stay..."
I say as if I am choked by something I can't identify.
"Sorry," I mumble, turn my back on him, and run away.
My tears are unstoppable. Funny when I wipe those when it has no use like a river caused by an endless heavy rain. I, like a stratocumulus cloud, give up. Everything is so heavy that can't be carried by anyone else anymore
I take a last glance to the building before I enter the taxi. The middle-aged taxi driver curiously eyes me in the rear mirror, but my only reply is a teary-eyed yet death stare on him so he immediately removes his eyes on it then starts maneuvering the car. Pretty amazing I can still scare people around me even in my most devastating day.
My situation is becoming better, but I can't stay. My body will won't accept the treatment forever.
This is not for me. What ifs will just hunt me? I'm tired giving an answer to the questions which once drowned me.
As I dive in the sea of people, my eyes immediately see my worst nightmare. My heart is beating so fast. I swallowed hard. I don't know what to think first. I don't know what to do.
I let my heart to beat this way. I close my eyes and reminisce.
"Lauren! Your brother is so annoying!" I shouted when her brother pestered me again.
I was in their house, so rare, that time. I didn't want to go there but it was her birthday so, yeah, I was there. For a reason that her brother was a pest. I hated that boy. For the record, it was such a cliché beginning.
He was my worst enemy, so expect his worst tricky and annoying moves. What I hate most was when I was in fourth grade – last school year.
I didn't go home yet so I directed to their house to play with Lauren. I was so excited back then because she told me they bought her a new Lego house.
Until now, I don't know if it is weird or not. I just love playing that kind of game since I was a kid.
Me, who was a dramatic ass, after he pushed me to a muddy part in their backyard, I felt like I was a Disney Princess playing a role so I sang. I even interpreted every line of the song and really felt the frustrations on it. I was so mad at him to the point I collected some mud then thrown it into his face especially when I caught him videoing me!
