i first hurt fawn when i was nine.
a few days before my birthday, two boys would always say mean things about fawn but i would always defend her.
it was a week after my birthday, and that day, i wasn't thinking, because i saw these two boys and they asked me to join, and i agreed.
they walked up to fawn and she looked up.
hurt and confusion were clearly visible in her eyes when she saw me with them.
one of them called her stupid.
the other called her pathetic.
i called her ugly.
when she heard what i said, tears spilled out of her blue eyes and then she ran away.
the two boys high fived me, but i felt extremely bad.
i hurt my best friend, i hurt the girl i loved.
the next day fawn wasn't on the swing, and the day after it, and the day after that.
after a whole week of not showing up, the two boys got sick of waiting for her and stopped coming.
but i didn't.
i waited until she started coming again.
i tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't reply.
i tried to hug her, but she'd push me away.
i tried to apologize, but she'd put one finger in each ear.
after two weeks of her ignoring me, I gave up, and stopped sitting beside her.
but instead, I went back to watching her from afar, watching her sway slowly on the old swing.
i missed her so much.
and just because i was stupid enough to call her ugly, she was never going to talk to me again.
