Feel This

Chapter 7

I spent what felt like the entire weekend curled up under my duvet with my earphones in. Had all of that just happened? Not only had my dad finally decided to remember that he had a daughter but I almost had an emotional breakdown in front of the only person in the world who would mock me for it. I didn't want to prove Daniel and his emotionless lifestyle right by crumbling into pieces over a single phone call. I could only imagine the smug smirks and clever retorts he would make as he passed me in the school corridors. Despite all of that, I couldn't get the way he had said my name out of my head. It didn't even sound like him. It was soft and almost full of ... emotion. Yeah right. The stressful situation I was in must have damaged all sense of hearing and logic.

After thinking about what I would say and whether or not it would be worth it, I had worked myself up to the point of deciding not to call my dad back. If he had made me wait, he could wait too. It had been so long since I had spoken to him that it felt like I didn't really know him anymore. What I struggled with the most was wondering where the time he should've spent parenting me was spent instead. Were mundane activities such as watching TV and going to the gym more important than acknowledging his own flesh and blood? Call me old fashioned but that did not sit right with me at all and by that I meant it stung like a burning hot coal that lived inside my chest. Permanently. I figured I would clear my mind a little bit and really work through what I wanted to say to him before committing to a phone call I could potentially end up regretting. That burning hot coal did not need a friend.

It was Sunday evening and I had just sat down at my desk ready to tackle a gargantuan stack of last minute homework when my phone rang. Rebecca's upbeat voice plummeted my mental attitude from school soldier to A* procrastinator. I was all too pleased to abandon the Mount Everest of paper in my room. I would not be climbing that today.

"Zoe! You still alive? Haven't heard from you all weekend." I got up from my swivel chair and began to pace around my spacious, baby blue bedroom. I walked from my double bed to my desk, over to my wardrobe, to my door and all the way back again contemplating how to relay the events of Friday evening to her. When I eventually came up with a somewhat succinct and accurate portrayal of the incident and told Rebecca all that had happened, I swore I heard her jaw dropped, wide eyed facial expression through the phone. It'd only been a few minutes but the mobile was making my ear hot.

"Zoe you should've told me sooner! Wait don't move." She hung up on me. As I sprawled myself out on the bed waiting for the inevitable, I thought about what would happen when I saw Daniel tomorrow. My insides cringed knowing I'd have to face him after half falling apart in front of him. Why did I care what he thought? Why was proving him wrong so important? Was it that I needed to prove myself right? Worryingly, I had started running out of excuses as to why my emotional lifestyle was so much better than his emotionless one. Would he ask me about it? Would he be concerned? I scolded myself for even thinking up something so ridiculous. And what was worse was that a tiny piece of me wanted him to be. There was just something about him ..

The doorbell rang.

Rebecca stood in my porch, dressed in a onesie whilst holding up a bag of Chinese takeout food. I loved this girl. I couldn't help but wonder which came first though, the onesie or the food? I hoped the onesie. The image of Rebecca in a Chinese take away sporting a bunny eared onesie made the evening 120% better.

"Did Mrs Ling compliment your bunny outfit?" I teased,

"She threatened to douse me in hoisin sauce."

We ate the food sat cross legged on the furry rug in my living room. I couldn't help but think about how different life would be if me and Rebecca weren't friends or how different I would be as a person, come to think of it. We talked about idle nothings while we ate. I knew she was saving the good stuff for later. After we were full and in food comas, we managed to get the open fire going and I quickly changed into my own onesie before lying beside her in the heat.