Sunday, 10.03.19
Last night I got rejected by someone I really liked because I got the attention I needed. And they were fun to talk to, they did it in a "we should get to know each other more."
I'm honestly believing that they got someone else and that's why they ditched me. Am I sad? I can't explain how I feel, it's this pain that I get whenever someone leaves. And I have my reasons to believe they don't want to continue talking to me: they've stopped talking to me in general. I understand their point on why it shouldn't be a relationship, but I always think otherwise, that I did something or they found someone better. It has never been different when I made new friends who stopped talking a day later.
I developed a self harm issue and haven't eaten much this year. I refuse to talk about my self harm not even to my therapist- telling myself if I do talk about it they'll think it's for attention, its gotten really bad recently. Unable to think about the future, I see no reason to live.
My self harm is basically a way of retreat, believing it's giving me good luck. I can't think of the future unless I self harm after, I'm in a bad mental state where if I do think of the future with someone I have to cut after. I don't know why, but it got me into that way of coping, does anyone know what that is? Music doesn't even help. And I can't go anywhere without having a panic attack.
I barely eat too, no breakfast, no T. Only dinner but barely finish it, u want everything to stop hurting and I need help. That's why I'm writing this "blog"on here. Here I can keep somewhat anonymous.
Thank you for reading, wish to contact me here's my instagram:
@//Abra.uwu
@//http.tristful
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