Incubus

Chapter 6

Jude laid there, weeping endlessly on the floor. So inconsolable, so wounded. You see this, this is my Jude. This unafraid, unembarrassed emotional mess is the true man I married. He would always make fun of me whenever I cried in movies but he would always choke up whenever he watched the final scene of Big Fish, he would even recite Edward Bloom's last 'Yes. Exactly' in tears. Witnessing that would always make me think "This is why he's in my life", he patiently broke down the walls surrounding my heart. He taught me that beauty comes out of our darkest moments and how it's a big necessity for us to go through them in order to better appreciate the good that comes out of it.

"The sun comes out every day, right?" —he would say, "and yet it never ceases to amaze us when it does, doesn't it? And do you know why?".

"Why?" —I would ask.

"Because of all those cold, silent hours we're left in the dark. And even then we're accompanied by the stars." —he answered, "You see, lamb? There's beauty even in our darkest moments".

Those words gave an aimless girl purpose. I did not only got to know a life with Jude but also a life of love, as well, happiness, hope. Things that my guarded heart couldn't comprehend before. I laughed more, I cried more, I trusted more, traits that wouldn't be found in me before. Jude came along like an antidote to my venomous heart. I was loved, and oh man, was I loved. 

Seeing him like this now, all shattered and broken, weakened me. I couldn't bare not being able to be felt, to be heard so that my love could be transmitted into his broken-hearted soul. Oh god, I love you, Jude. I love you so much. I could almost forget why I ever wanted to leave him before but then again, so I did every single day.

The very first time was the day I found out the news that quickly become my very first secret from Jude. It wasn't a secret that came from malice rather than one that came from playfulness, but soon after become a secret out of fear so I decided to run away for the sake of the well being of my precious secret.

The inspiration for such plan came from Jude himself. It was one of those nights where Jude was hardly himself or rather completely unlike him. I couldn't bare sleeping with that stranger so I went to Jude's study that night. The next morning he woke me up, face taint d with confusion, eyes drowned in worry.

"Lamb, what are you doing? Why aren't you bed?" —he asked innocently.

"Are you kidding me? Why would I be in bed with you, Judas?" —I said angrily. I couldn't fathom the audacity in his question.

His expression changed to a deeper concerned and finally said, "Did I do something?".

The night before while Jude was taking an evening nap I was in the kitchen preparing dinner. The night had barely fallen like an elegant veil across the clear sky, the cold air breathing through the curtains playfully caressing my skin, and Try a Little Tenderness playing in the background harmonizing with my simulating hums, the mood was set.

As I was finishing chopping carrots, the song was coming to its inconclusive end and quickly the next song took its place. Love is a Blindness by Jack White. And then I thought how I always found curious that there's a Jack White and a Jack Black, they're the yin to each other's yang. I could feel my body reacting, as the first few '1, 2, 3' the hairs on my arms stood tall. God, I love this song. As my body moves to the flow of the drums pounding and the stroke of the guitar I felt a pair of hands slowly grab me from the waist from behind.