The Segment (Completed)

46. What You Deserve

(Unedited - Please read chapter 45 first)

There was a heavy silence in her office, and the air felt stifling. It seems that spring was already officially here as Farrah felt the heat rise in the confines of her office. Very slowly and sluggishly, almost like moving underwater, Farrah sat down in one the chairs in front of her desk. Her head was bowed and her fingers were tangled in knots in the ends of her jet black hair.

Kneeling on the floor in front of her, Saif looked up at her and said hoarsely; "Farrah, kuch toh kay..." (Farrah, say something)

"I don't know what to say," she said quietly, averting his gaze. The quiet that surrounded them was a complete contrast to the cacophony of noise and feelings whirling throughout her entire body. He heart was slamming against her chest, so thunderous the sound that her entire head was pounding in synchrony. There was a rush of guilt and panic that took hold of her mind, making her go through every single word she had every uttered to him, every scenario of them together.

"This, all this...whatever it is I am feeling, it is all on me," he said looking up at her, trying to meet her gaze. "Woh kya hai na (You know what), growing up nobody ever showed me any kindness or compassion. No one cared about my day, or even wanted to hear about it. I had only one person then; Syafiq."

"Puberty hit, and girls were interested in being seen with me rather than to just simply be with me. And I admit, I took advantage of it. No strings attached, no commitments, nothing. But I never realized how alone I was until I we became friends. I never realized how hollow I was until you told me that I was good person. I didn't even know that I had the capability to even be good," Saif said sadly.

"Allah ki kasam (I swear upon Allah), I tried not to get to close. But even as I kept myself away, my thoughts always drifted back to you. When I was looking for guidance to revert to Islam, you were the only one who didn't laugh at me. Salla (Shit), even fuckin' Syafiq laughed at me," Saif chuckled sadly and he noticed the edges of her mouth quirked upwards for a quick second.

"You have this big pure heart, that drew me in from the first second I saw you," he continued; breathing heavily, his heart in his throat. "I wanted you, in any way I could but I didn't understand why until I realized how inherently good you are. You have a fucking potty mouth and are sarcastic as hell, but you radiate good and I was a fucking fly to honey," he said laughing as tears glistened in his eyes once again as Farrah finally looked up and met his gaze.

"Saif, I'm not that good. I...really am not...good," she said chokingly, her own eyes misting at the pain she saw all over his face. "If I was this wouldn't happen," she continued brokenly.

"Yaar, we can't control our feelings can we? If we could, you wouldn't be in love in with a gora, and I wouldn't be on my knees like a pussy, begging you to stay," Saif said laughing harshly at himself as he realized the she did not love him. At least not in the way he wanted her too. He stood up and took a few steps backwards as he looked at her confusion filled face.

"Saif, I'm so sorry...so so sorry...I wish things were different, I really do," Farrah said as she watched Saif, distancing himself from her. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," Farrah continued saying.

"Sorry mat bol yaar (Stop saying sorry), it's no one's fault. Bas tu sorry mat bol (Enough, just dont say sorry)," Saif said choking, he turned his back to her and and buried his face in his hand while the other was at his hip. Farrah saw his shoulders shake and then she heard him chuckle softly.