Emotional Change

Chapter 4

"Hey brother. I don't know if you can hear me or see me, but I miss you. A lot. And so does mom. I need your help. I'm kind of invisible and it stinks. I'm really lonely. I hope you are not feeling the same way and that you are really happy on the other side. I hope you know that we will always love you." 

I knew that my brother couldn't hear me. After all, he's too far away. 

I try to picture in my head what it would have been like if my brother was still alive. He might have already found his match. He might have already proposed. They would have lived in a small white house. They would have had kids with the same looks and kindness. They would have seen their grandchildren grow up. They would have died happy. The way it should be. The way it always should be.

I got up in search of flowers that I could give to him. His favorite had been daisys. He always loved how they were so bright and pleasant, in a world with evil and sadness.

I found a clump of them circling a gigantic pine tree. They were just like the ones we use to run around. He used to chase me around the pine trees. And when he caught me he would tickle me till I snorted. Then, he would plant me on his shoulders and we would walk home together with smiles spread upon our faces. 

I picked the prettiest ones and clutched them in my palms. They reminded me of the ones I placed on his grave 2 years ago. The ones that made me smile yet frown. The ones that made me shudder. The ones that made me deny my brother being dead. 

I walked back to his grave and placed the flowers upon his granite inscripted letters. I thought of all the memories we shared. The day he came home with tears in his eyes. I remember that day so clearly. 

"What's wrong big wother?" 

That's what I used to call him when I was little.

"Nothing." he said. 

"Are you sure because I could teach them a wesson if you wanted."

"No. There's nothing to worry about. I promise."

"Okay."

"Do you want to play tag?" he asked. 

"Gotcha!" I screamed.

"Oh no you don't!"

We ran around and around the house till we got dizzy. Then me and him would lean against the kitchen wall and talk about our hopes and dreams. He wanted to be an astronaut like all boys did. 

"I want to fly to space and travel to planets that no one has ever stepped foot on." he would always say. 

"Why?"

"Because it would be the most incredible thing. What about you?"

"I want to be an wastronaut too so that we can go into wace together." I said. 

We left our conversation unfinished. 

"It's almost dark out. Let's go outside. Quick! Come on!" he exclaimed.

We ran outside and lay down next to each other and glared at all the stars. Then, we would point to a random star and name it. It was the most magical thing. 

"I'm tired wother, lets go inside."

Thinking back from now, the experience was even better than I thought it would be.

My eyes started to close up on me. I suddenly realized how tired I was. I took a deep breath and began to close them again. But before I fell alseep I swear I saw my brother standing there, all dressed up in his military uniform smiling down at me. That moment had to be the happiest moment in my entire life.