Me in the End

3

I am not shy.

Actually, I utterly loathe when someone describes me as 'shy'. The definition of shy (according to google) is; being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.

I am not shy.

Quiet, observant, and socially awkward? Hell yeah. But not shy. I do admit I have a bit uneasiness in crowded places due to the torturous anxiety that spreads through me like the black plague, but that does not equate to shyness.

My freshman year, I tried my absolute hardest to try to be outgoing and dress a certain way in order to fit in with the 'popular' kids and it sort of worked. It worked in the sense that I was able to call some of them my friends during school hours and events, but I wasn't myself and I definitely wasn't happy. I constantly felt the need to prove to everyone around me that I was fun and outgoing. It was completely exhausting and somewhere in the middle of my sophomore year, I was sick of it.

So I stopped.

I stopped pretending to be that person and all the 'friends' that I thought I made along the way, also stopped. Stopped inviting me to hang out. Stopped eating lunch with me. Stopped talking to me. Until it was as though we never knew each other. The friends I currently have, are more like class acquaintances, talking to each other only in shared classes.

Being with Mathew was different. I didn't feel the need to fill the silence between us in order to prove to him that I wasn't shy. He made it feel normal and relaxing, as if it was enough to just be in each others presence. The conversation was light and natural, not overly forced or awkward.

True to his word, we were getting to know each other. Sitting on the small couch in his room, the movie he put on for us was long forgotten as we laughed and joked around like we had known each other for years.

"Okay, I am sure you get asked this question all the time but I just have to known, exactly how tall are you?" I asked with a light laugh.

He playfully rolls his eyes and laughs "I'm 6'6. No, I don't play basketball. The weather is great up here. And yes, I hit my head on something everyday."

I give him a light smack on his arm, "I only asked for your height!"

"Yeah, but I thought I would just cover all of the FAQs."

I just laugh and shake my head in response. He shifts his body a little closer to mine and puts his long arm around the couch behind me.

"And what about you little one, exactly how short are you?" He asks with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Hey! I am relatively tall for a girl, thank you very much," I say as I realize my body has started to lean in closer to him, "And I am 5 feet 7 inches tall."

"Nearly an entire foot smaller than me." He says softly as he starts leaning in, the confident smirk he has been sporting all day drops and I see his adams apple bob as he swallows. He almost looks... nervous? His eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips as I feel his breath fan across my face and just as his lips are about to touch mine, he stops.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispers softly as his eyes stay focus on my lips.

Is he seriously asking for my permission? Damn, I didn't think he could get any hotter!

There is absolutely no hesitation or second guessing. I want this.

"Yes"

He lets out a breath of relief as one of his hands finds it way to the back of my neck and gently pulls me to close small distance to bring our lips together. To my surprise, his full, soft lips slowly but firmly move against mine. I have never been kissed like this before, the other guys I have made out with always start with trying to get a taste of my esophagus as soon as our lips touch.

I bring my hand to rest on his chest and feel him sigh into our kiss. I push against him to deepen the kiss and what started out as a simple, yet amazing, kiss starts escalating to a heated make out. I push his body down towards the couch and feel his other hand go to my back to pull me down with him. As he starts to grip my body harder, as if afraid I'll slip from his hands, my phone dings and he freezes, bringing us back to reality. I'm about to tell him to ignore it when it dings two more times.

I feel his grip lessen until they are just resting lightly on my lower back. He still has eyes closed as his forehead is pressed against mine while we both attempt to catch our breath.

He clears his throat and we finally pull away from each other, "Um, I'm sorry. I got carried away."

"Uh, no it was... nice." I say with an awkward laugh.

It was nice? Who the hell says that?

He laughs lightly, his easy-going nature coming back, "You gonna check that?" he nods his head towards my phone.

"Right, yes." I pick up my phone, ready to see who I need to kill for interrupting us, and freeze when I see 3 messages. One from my mom, a short 'how is it going' followed by a disturbingly cheeky winky face, but that's not what has me shocked.

2 messages from Fenley.

James messaged me now, of all times?

Ugh, should I even read them? No, fuck him, I have this super hot guy right next to me. I don't need him. But what if he wants to hang out this weekend? Maybe I can just read them and if he didn't ask-

I am brought out of my inner turmoil as Mathew takes my phone out of my hand.

"Fenley? As in, Sean Fenley? Why is he bothering you?" he asks with a small laugh, but I can sense something other than humor behind it.

"Uh, no, his brother actually, James. You know Sean?"

He bellows out a hearty laugh and I start to feel genuinely confused. "Wait, wait, wait" he laughs again, "James Fenley is messaging you? Okay, now I know for a fact that douche is bothering you." I give him a questioning look for him to elaborate, "You are clearly way out of his league." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

He doesn't notice my look of unbelief as he continues talking about the Fenley brothers.

"Sean and I played summer ball together a couple years back on the Blue Jays recruitment team, he is a major tool too but a baseball tool, we're not that bad." He winks at me, "James, on the other hand, is a different story. He is way too cocky for someone who bats under .200." As he says that, his face morphs into a look of extreme distaste.

"What, you have beef with him or something?" I say somewhat jokingly but mostly just interested.

"I guess you can say that. You hear about him getting a fastball to the helmet last year?" A smirk playing on his face.

"Oh yeah, he started crying-WAIT that was you!?" I ask as I finally connect the dots, "Why did you do that?" I all but yell, fighting the urge to laugh at the image of James whimpering while hold his left eye, though everyone knew the ball only made contact with his helmet.

He laughs, "First of all, don't crowd my plate" I can't help but laugh along with him this time "Second, he had it coming." He doesn't elaborate about what the second half of that meant and the look on face is telling me not to press it further, at least not yet.

"Damn, how did that snake slither his way into your contacts? You know what, I know what will make him get the hint, come here." He says as he wraps his arm around my waist and tugs me close to him. With my phone still in his hand and my mouth still not fully functioning after that kiss, he opens the camera and kisses my forehead as he snaps a picture.

Before I can question what that was for, the sound of a sent message comes from my phone. He hands my phone back over to me and he smiles proudly as he stands from the couch. "Hey, I'm going to go grab us some snacks. Be right back."

With widened eyes, I stare at my phone in shock. Underneath the photo of us looking like an actual couple, Mathew wrote a small message back to James.

She's taken bro