Now let's go further to October of 2018. Kenzy was considering going inpatient AGAIN, and it affected me to the point I ended up inpatient. Surprise surprise, we were in Rogers for the same week. They put a peer restriction on us but that didn't stop me. I fought everyday with staff because they made me put my hood down. I know that sounds dumb but I hate rules so I rebelled. Then, when they wouldn't even let me look or talk to Kenzy who was still my girlfriend, I got into a fight with the security guard and cussed him out and almost punched him (but I didn't) to the point they almost had to restrain me. Kenzy and I's one year was while we were in Rogers and my roomate Skye helped me get messages to Kenzy. But, that week was hell because we both only got worse. I got out after she did and then things went back to normal. Still constant fighting. Still suicidal thoughts and attempts of suicide and cutting. But yet still very much in love with each other. Now in December of 2018 Kenzy went inpatient yet again, but I stayed out. Here's where we get to how I started this story. I met this senior named Nikki in sociology at the beginning of the year. We didn't talk much but I guess you could say I flirted a bit. She's Puerto Rican, shorter than me which is unheard of ,with dark curly hair and red at the tips of her hair. I always found her very loud and obnoxious in sociology but that drew my attention to her more. She was funny I must admit and even though I barely knew her, she made me smile and made my day whether she knew it or not.
Her and I went on a friends date to Panda Express to get some food and oh my god I was so nervous. I had a dream about her and I and it freaked me out. The crazy thing is, the same day I had the dream, she had the same exact one. I won't go into details but let's say it was romantic and sexual as hell. So when we were at Panda we just hung out and it was great. I really wanted to go to her house but she didn't think her dad would let me so I didn't go. Every day during 8th hour during sociology I would bring Nikki a kickstart. (Remember that's how I flirt.) I'd always run up to her after class saying, "Nikki, Nikki, Nikki." I would grab or kick her backpack, which I now know made me seem very annoying. I just always had this feeling of wanting to be around her as much as possible. During winter break I snuck into her house and things went crazy. We kinda teased each other while we were in the same bed. That's about as far as things went the first night. But the second time I went over, we ended up uh... fucking. I looked at her after and said, "You do realize I just cheated on Kenzy right?"
