Bookstore girl

Books give me hope.

That Thursday I hoped my friends and I could go and do something like we used to and I found them near Chloe's locker and I quickened my pace.

''Hey guys.'' I said smiling and they all turned to me with odd looks on their faces.

''What? Is there toothpaste on my face or something?'' I wettened my hand and rubbed against my cheek, but nobody answered.

''You can tell me guys. Nobody is dying.'' I said. ''Or is someone dying? Then I didn't say a word!'' I quickly added.

They smiled slightly.

''We're hanging out on Sunday.'' Grace suddenly said and Chloe and Hazel sent her glares. I smiled. So at least I had my friends back on Sunday! It had been ages since we hung out.

''Nice. When, where?'' I asked and nobody looked at me. My throat tightened. ''Tell me.''

''It's just a couples thing. You know, people with an actual boyfriend.'' Grace said and I couldn't breath. Pathetic.

''Ah, okay.'' I said and they all nodded. ''Have you guys done this before?'' I asked and begged for them to say no and tell me they didn't forget about me.

''Every weekend. First me and Chloe and then we added Grace.'' Hazel said and I sucked my lips in my mouth. Hey, you wanted the truth.

''Yeah, sorry, but it was kind of a relationship thing, and since you aren't in one, this was kind of our thing.'' Grace said and I looked at Chloe.

''Sorry Liv.'' She murmured. I felt my eyes burn and tears spill.

''Livy, are you crying?'' Grace asked, but she couldn't contain the slightly mocking tone and it made me straighten up.

''Would it matter to you if I was in a relationship?'' I asked and turned away, walking away from them, hoping they wouldn't see my tears. I trusted them with my life.

''Livy, don't do this.'' Hazel said whining and I turned back.

''Says the one that made me get detention because I took blame for your texting with Mark, or my supposed best friends letting me sit alone. Shit! I'm still that stupid freshman full of hope and dreams, thinking hurting herself will make things better and hoping life is like a fairy tale. I've learned nothing.'' I said and felt them stare at me as I sobbed. ''I'm still nothing.''

I ran away, into the bathroom and didn't even make it into a stall before collapsing onto the floor, but nobody went to the bathroom and I kept crying and crying and-

''Liv?'' I heard someone say and it was not the voice of one of my 'friends'. I looked up to Lilly-Anne, looking at me worried.

''Lilly. Class is about to start. I'm fine.'' I said, feeling sick and saddened.

''Oh, Liv, it's already break. You've been here the entire first couple of periods. Have you been crying?'' I nodded and she helped me up from the floor.

''Honey, what happened?'' So I told her the entire story. About my friends and their boyfriends and my history and Lilly just kept listening. ''You must think I'm overreacting.'' I sniffled.

''Not at all. You know, before Ben and I started dating, I told him I liked him but he rejected me. And my brother was in a relationship with his sister, but they were going through a rough patch so I went over to fix things because I was sick of my brother. But I found Ben kissing my secret best friend. Because in my brothers high school year, her sister, tried to hurt his girlfriend so he didn't like the idea if I befriended her, but I did. I didn't care about her sister or her history. She was a great friend. But there she was, kissing my crush. And she never regretted it. She wanted to hurt me. I don't know why. She moved before I could get up from my bed. Ben and I obviously made up but I know how it feels if a friend leaves you. It sucks and when you trust them with your secrets and they throw away everything while you love them, that hurts and I know that, but I'm fine now. Bit lonely if I'm not with Ben but fine.'' I smiled, she trusted me with that story.

''Can we be friends? I don't really have anyone else.'' I gratefully took a handkerchief she handed me and blew my nose in it.

''I thought we already were friends?'' Lilly asked and seemed truly confused and I hugged her. ''Thanks Lilly.'' But I felt the tears return and sobbed in her hair as she let me cry on her shoulder.

''Come on, let's get you home.'' Lilly made sure it was okay for me to leave and got me home. She gave me her number, demanding to call her. I promised I would and stepped inside where I heard my parents argue.

Oh no, please.

''Honey, why are you home?'' I heard dad ask as I stepped inside the livingroom. ''I didn't feel well,'' I answered and looked at both of them. Mom was crying and both had red cheeks. ''What is going on?'' I asked with a demanding tone, seeing as my parents exchanged a knowing glance.

''I'm fired.'' My mom said and I groaned. Why?!

''The recession is bad and my work had to fire people, including me. And your dad and I were arguing about whether or not he should work more, because I don't want him to.'' I liked that mom just admitted they were arguing. not the standard 'discussing'.

''But it's necessary!'' Dad said but mom ignored him. ''Well, why are you home Liv?'' I bit on the inside of my cheek.

''Sick.'' I said and tried to smile but both my parents immediately believed me and mom escorted me upstairs while cursing herself for being ignorant. I said multiple times she was wrong but she ignored me.

''Mom?'' I said as she had tucked me, kissed my forehead, and switched of the lights, and for a moment I felt like a little kid again so I snuggled closer into my blanket.

''Yes, what is it you need?''

''Nothing, I'm just sorry.'' I said and she frowned.

''For what, honey?''

''That I'm your child.'' I said honestly and mom smiled at me.

''If I should be sorry about that I also should be sorry that women have equal rights and that freedom exists. Love you honey.''

''Love you too mom.'' I said and fell asleep quickly, the crying had exhausted me.