Who We Were & Who We Are Now

Part 3

He's out making rounds before going to bed, and he see's the glow of a candle in the barn, something he's seen a few times now. He makes his way quietly over, eyes searching for you through the cracks and as usual, he finds you. He knew you stayed in the barn some nights, and he figured this was because you had your reasons for not wanting to go home. You never told anyone you stayed in the barn, feeling ashamed of not wanting to go home because you didn't want to tell anyone what was happening to you there. You just wanted to disappear and the books helped you get out of this place without having to leave. You're posted up with an old leather bag with books spilling out, an old blanket for the horses rolled up that your elbow rested on. Your legs crossed at the ankle, back against a crate, book in your rougher than they should be hands. A candle on top of the crate lights you. He never interrupted you when he'd find you like this, he thought it might embarrass you, and that's the last thing he wanted to do. He hated that you felt you had to stay and hide, but knowing you were safe and close helped him sleep at night. He'd be sure to look out his window before turning in to see if you were still up, and most nights you were.

Sometimes he'd hear you talk to yourself, announcing your distaste for how a character was behaving. Those, in particular, made him smile on more than one occasion as when you were alone, you had a hell of a mouth on you. He wondered where you heard such words. A stray laugh or tears as you read would come and go. He knew what others saw as aloof dumbness was just a disguise, as every time he looked at you he just saw a smart and sensible girl. Working hard to take care of herself, even if he wished you didn't feel like you needed to do manual labor to do it. He knew you could use your brain to make money easily if you'd wanted to and in his fashion, he lets you make your own decisions on the matter. He had no say in what you did, although he hoped that one day he might.
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You separate from Forrest with a nod and you go towards the general store. You're moving about the isle's slowly, trying to take note of what they had and didn't. To say the selection was less than what you had in the city would be an understatement. But for its lack of variety, everything you needed was there. You lug around a big basket, gathering your things as you move. You bend down to carefully place breakable glasses into the container.

"That Tonya Barrett is back, did you hear?" one whispers. They must've not seen you crouched down. You face is uncertain and you move very slowly and quietly.

"Didn't know she was still alive." one says in an awful tone, holding no fondness for you at all.

"She's been living in the city. She was alone when she drove in I heard." one says suggestively.

"Big surprise. Couldn't find even one man to deal with her in a whole city? She mustn't of changed any in the time she's been gone." she says with a roll of her eyes.

Your nostrils flare and you pick up the basket, hiding from their view and go to the counter so you could just get out of there.

"She looks better though." said with a shrug.

"But at what cost? Childless? Unmarried at our age? Who's heard of such a thing?" If you'd had a nickel every time you'd heard that one. You knew it wouldn't be the last.

"I saw her with Forrest Bondurant earlier! Just got back and already shacking up with outlaws? What a harlot. You'd think she'd have some shame coming back with Cliff being sick and all." The worst thing, and what you missed the least about a small town is how fast gossip spread.

"Making his last days even worse, I'd imagine." you roll your eyes.

"Just like her mother, I suppose. Never up to any good and desperate just the same." she sass's with a shake of her head.

"Surprised she'd ever show her face 'round here after leavin' poor old Preacher Cliff, God bless him, with a son to raise on his own." Like you weren't also a kid at the time. Guess to them as soon as your mama died, you became the woman of the family.