The Monster In Me

Never Enough

She walked through the crowd, the award was firm in her hand. People from every corner congratulated her. She faked her best smile and walked faster to her destination. When she entered the washroom, she didn't even notice the breath she was holding for too long.

Her hands gripped the edge of the sink as she tried to stable her breathing. She looked at the trophy and suddenly a wave of anger hit her. Without any hesitation, she yanked it away. Then, she leant against the nearest wall for support.

Her sobs started to echoe through the empty washroom. Thank god no one was there. Last thing she would want was for anyone to see her in this mess. Out of the blue, someone handed her the trophy.

"You do realise this thing could worth a fortune, right?" She didn't take it so that person put away the trophy. "You are not supposed to be here." Her voice was cracked but that person only snickered. "You must realise I follow you everywhere. Have been doing that for the past 20 years." That person sat down in front of her.

"Look at me." She felt that person's fingers lifted her chin up. "Tell me what's wrong." That person asked softly. "I just won an award and people kept congratulating me but I just felt completely lost."

"And why is that?" That person asked again. "Because no matter what I do, I never feel enough." Her eyes were set on the floor. "Some people would call you ungrateful. Some would say you are just selfish. Some would even consider you obnoxious." That person took a glance at her.

"But.. who cares. What matters the most is what you consider yourself." That person reached out her hand, pulling the woman up. She forced her to look at the mirror. "The world would say they see perfection in that mirror. However, tell me. What do you see right now? Aside from the beautiful woman standing beside you."

She stared at the mirror for a moment. "I see a fragile girl. Lost. Confused. Scared." She stopped for a while. "A girl who was being haunted by her past. The past when she failed, the past when she disappointed no one but herself. That past was that part of her that she saw as the greatest failure in her life. No matter how many success she has created, that past is not something she can erase."

"So, is she blaming this past, this failure for her feelings, that somehow she never feels enough?" That person asked, curiosity in her voice. That woman smiled. "No, she no longer blames that failure. Because that failure taught her one thing. That no matter how the world worships her. She is never good enough. Not for herself at least. So, she will always try to be better, aim higher, achieve greater so that one day she would feel complete. Enough for once."

"And how long will it take for that moment to arrive?" That woman stepped closer towards that mysterious person.

"Forever."

That person smirked. "Glad to know you want me to stay for the rest of your life."