The Monster In Me

Can't Stay

I stared at the vast blue ocean. A long sigh escaped my lips. "Long day?" Someone took the seat by my side on the wooden bench. I only giggled hearing her question. "Long life."

"What are you doing here?" I asked her back. "I'm trying to find you." I burst into laughter. "Have you gone insane? People don't want me in their lives. You should be grateful I'm gone for good."

"That's the problem. I don't want you gone." Her answer silenced. "Why is that?" She shrugged. "Ten years ago, I really wanted to kill you but I am glad I didn't. You changed me to be someone better. Yes, you are a very bad influence. Always pushing me to my limits. Call me weak, stupid, worthless. But, without you, I won't be here. You are the reason I want to be better. So, one day, you can no longer say those things to me."

I laughed but tears already welled up in my eyes. "As a monster that haunts people about their failure and weakness,  I seriously fail. Badly." That girl laughed. "Well, thank you for everything." She leant against my shoulder.

"Stop making me feel like I'm an angel. I am a monster, stupid. I am bad. I killed people." I suddenly felt her hands wrapped around my torso. "No, you are not bad. People just have to learn to control the monsters in them. Not let them take full control. Or like me, just embrace them." She said in a low voice.

"Physically or mentally?" I asked jokingly. "Both." She snuggled closer. "Stay, please." Her voice was a whisper.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I can't." She was startled and her arms around me loosened, giving me space to stand up. "Why?" She asked, hesitance was clear in her voice. "You no longer need me." I started to walk away. "But I've learnt to love you. To accept you." I stopped for a moment before continuing my walk.

'That reason is enough for me to leave.' I no longer look back. My job was to destroy her but I failed. Knowing all I have done to her, I can't stay. I didn't deserve her acceptance or love. I wiped those stupid tears away. This was awful.

Living with humans for too long have changed me into something I despise the most.

Someone who has a heart.