my teenager years

✨

overthinking has been a daily night routine in the years of my existence. i couldn't avoid it. it's just there stuck on my head as soon as i'm about to sleep.
i'm almost 20 and that shit still freakin haunts me every single night. huh.
i gotta admit it, it's a part of my journey.
everytime i close my eyes, the shit that happend from that day or few days, months, and even years ago would appear on my head like a flashback memories or more like a-unwanted-part-of-my-life that i've tried to forget my whole life. not to mention the fuckin embarrassment tragedy that occurred in my life has to make an appearances. wow. we didn't ask you. huh.

it's so weird that i'm about to be 20 this year.
like i still remember when i turned 17???!! it was like yesterday though.
there are two sides of me, the first is basically like "i'd do anything to go back to 18" and the other one is like "i'm so excited to be an adult, huh fuck teenage years"
damn. the last side is kind of triggering.

every birthday passed i'd say "age is just a number, why do people feel like it's a huge deal? i get it we are growing older but it doesn't mean we have to celebrate it every year?!"
people are like way too obsessed with birthdays like they'd do anything to get other people attention's by throwing a party and invite bunch of random kids to their own. i still don't get the hype. i keep thinking it's a waste of money and time. birthday is just another reminder that we are closer to the death.
i'm nothing against that but like i'd prefer stay at home, watching movies, or maybe invite my closest friends only that'd be the nicest thing ever.