hardly love

Chapter 5| new beginnings?

The car ride back was awkward, but the boys tried to make it seem normal. As if nothing happened. I was sick to my stomach and couldn't control the movements of my body well. I just wanted to sleep.

The car finally turned the corner onto my street shining the obnoxiously bright headlights on my beige house.

"Alright, I'll walk you up,Missie." Codec smiled. I couldn't look at him..I just nodded my head, afraid if I spoke I would get too overwhelmed.

Before I hopped out I grabbed Katherine's hand and gently squeezed. I slowly mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to her. I watched her face keep the same expression as a single tear fell down her cheek.

"Thank you for coming, Missie. I had fun.",
Codec said as I was about to open my door. I couldn't handle it any longer. Seeing Katherine (a girl I've never even met before) look so distraught.

I quickly reached in the front for Codec's coat, pretending to grab it for him. I grabbed the recorder hiding it in my bra, making sure no one saw. That's when i didn't care anymore. I just wanted to go off on him. I had my proof, no need to fake nice.

I threw his jacket in the dirt and looked up at him, disgust written in my expression. "You know, Codec, you aren't welcome. You're disgusting!" I hissed at him. I felt myself breaking, i couldn't handle myself.

"What are you talking about?"

"How dare you respond like that, taking advantage of someone like that. You make me sick!" I was prepared to spit at his feet, but I wouldn't dare stoop so low.

"What are you talking about? Do you mean them having sex?" He pointed towards the car that Greg and Katherine sat in.

"They didn't just have sex, you two raped her!" The word left a bitter taste in my mouth and I couldn't believe I actually said it.

He sighed and took a moment of silence between us.

"Listen, Greg wanted to do it. I didn't want to but, he said if I didn't help him he would tell everyone about this big secret I have. I couldn't  let anyone know about it. Not yet. So I helped him."

"How could you do that? How could you be so selfish?" I said these words softly almost a whisper. I was so tired.

"I had no choice!" He said as his voice piped up.

"You took someone's happiness! She will never forget that! She has to live with that everyday, Codec!" I could feel my jaw quiver. If this conversation got anymore out of hand my parents will find us, and I'll be no doubt crying. Not to mention Greg would hear us and know i know. I have to end this before I lose it completely.

"I know. I wish I could take it back. Please forgive me, Missie." Codec pleaded.

I turned my back towards Greg's jeep, and disappointingly continue to struggle to speak. "How do I know you're not lying? I can't trust you anymore. I really liked you Codec." I couldn't tell him I loved him yet. I'm sure he would think I'm coming on too strong. Not to mention I'm not even sure if I'm in love with him anymore..

"Wait, why? I mean, I know we used to be really good friends, but it was never that serious. Was it?"

I was crying now. He was right. It never was that serious. It was just a dumb middle school friendship, full of nicknames and dumb jokes. How could I be so dumb to keep believing it was anything more than that?

"No, I guess not."

"Missie, I had fun being your friend, don't get me wrong, but it was middle school." We sat there in silence. I didn't know what to say anymore.