The Lost Soul

People have that certain goal in life, maybe it's to be a famous celebrity, have a great job with good pay, or maybe to change the world. But for me, I just want to live. Longer.

Daydreaming, that's what I've been doing recently. I saw my reflection as a bright flash of lightning strikes outside my window. It's a stormy night; I stare at the wet streets while trying to trace the raindrops that had stayed in my window. It's already late at night and I'm the only one who's still up. I can't sleep in this condition where you're afraid of never going to wake up the next day, you might think I'm overreacting all of this, but no. I'm Lucas and I have lung cancer, and the doctor says I only have a limited amount of time to live. And my day will come in the very least expected.

My chest is acting up again, I can hardly breathe and I can barely see. The only light entering my room is from the radiant street lights coming from the outside and the constant flashes of lightning. The pain finally stops; I decided to leave my comfy window seat and head to my bed, I tucked in and then slowly close my eyes hoping to awaken again tomorrow.

I can feel the warmth reaching my face as I slowly open my eyes. And to my surprise, I'm still alive and can get out of bed. I woke up earlier than usual and I'm weaker than normal, I'm a bit light headed; I feel like I'm about to fall any second. It's Saturday but I'm not like those kids who get excited when it comes to Saturday, because I've stopped going to school when I was 7. Since then I was self–taught with all the books that I could find in our house because my parents couldn't afford a home-school teacher. At first, I was mad at my parents for disregarding my education, but now that I'm 17 I figured that it was for the best, and they'd saved up enough money for my treatments.

I took a shower and got dressed. For some reason, I have no appetite to eat breakfast. I walked slowly downstairs, and I saw them all in the dining area; my mom, my dad, my older sister Paula and my little brother Lincoln. They were happy, at least when I'm not around. I'm sick of them seeing me like a ticking time bomb and in any minute I might collapse. I hate seeing their worried eyes and nervous gestures whenever I'm in the room. They tried to act like my cancer was nothing, they tried to make my life as normal as possible, but I already knew that that wasn't possible.

I finally reached the bottom of the stairs. They didn't wake me up because they knew that I'd be sleeping in. I walked to the backyard to catch some fresh air. There were still puddles and fallen leaves left from the storm last night and, amazingly, the weather had already cleared up. I sat on the bench and looked at the window where I saw my family talking.

"Did you check if Lucas is awake?" I overheard them talking, especially Mom. 

"No, he was up all night again. He's probably still sleeping" my sister answered with a blank face.

 "What has he been up to all night? I hope he's okay. Charles, did you get a loan from the bank?" Mom asked Dad

"Not yet, they said we had to pay for the previous loan before we could request for a new one," he said with a straight face as if he was thinking of a way while he was sitting in the middle of the long table in the dining room. 

"Oh dear, we need money for Lucas' treatment. Charles, please do everything you can, and... and I'll try to sell my pieces of jewelry for more profit". 

Hearing that breaks my heart. I'm the one who's to blame, I always give them a hard time because of my cancer, I wish it would just go away. I looked away; it was hard to see my Mom practically begging to my Dad. 

"It's okay Mom, we'll find a way". I look back at them and saw my little brother Lincoln holding my Mom's hand. He was only 5, yet he helps me to be brave. He's my motivation to live. I saw my Dad leave for work, and I'm expecting him to be home late, he also took the night shift just to earn more money.