Survivor

Chapter 8

 The next morning, I'm still shaken up over my parents' reactions. Jake and I have been roaming the halls of the hospital all night long. I've been listening to him talk and tell me stories trying to make me feel better.

"So, tell me about Sophia? What is she like?"

I smile, "She's a long haired, mostly black cat which I've had for nearly eight years. She welcomes me home when I enter the house from school, and will cuddle with me while I do my homework. Sometimes she would sit on top of it, and just want lovin's herself." I pause at the memory.

"She sounds wonderful, but sounds like your parents don't like her?"

I'm sad again. "It's not that they don't like her, but my mother wasn't raised to respect animals and she's also allergic to them, as well. My father, well, he wants a dog, but he's okay with her because it's what I want."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Never mind. I just need to figure out what I want to do and how to achieve it so I can move out. I want my own life without their rules or feeling like I can't do something just because they say so."

"Hey, easy. Take a deep breath. Wait, they put you down? Why would they do that?"

"Yes, they do, and a lot. Which is why I think I turn to animals so much. They're loving, comfortable, kind, and understanding. Plus, they don't judge you. They just love you for you."

"Wow, you make it sound so amazing. I see why you love them so much. Maybe you could use that as a career?"

"Thanks and maybe. I'll have to see what I like first. You know, do my homework, I tease.

"Good idea; smart thinking. Back to your parents."

"Okay. What about them?" I ask shakily.

"What do they do or say to make you feel so small?"

"You're right I do like animals, and I agree I think I'd do well working with them, too. Every time I mention what I find interesting, they say something like 'No, you can't do that' or 'You can't handle the pressure' and it hurts."

"Wow. I'm sorry, I had no idea. Have you talked to them about it? Maybe it would help them know and understand how they're making you feel?"

"Maybe?" We stop in our tracks in the middle of the hallway while I gather my thoughts. This is making me feel very uncomfortable. He doesn't seem to be judging me or anything, so I feel comfortable. "I don't know. They don't seem to listen to me, and when I do I think it makes the situation worse."

He gives me a questioning glance. "How so?"

"They don't like the answer that I give them which seems to start a big fight. Then I feel worse then I did before, so I just keep my mouth shut."

"That sucks. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. They don't like to hear my issues, but yet they ask."

"Well, that's complicated," he says with a weird look.

"Now you know how I feel. Which is why I began to keep my mouth shut and play my computer games or read books, or do my homework in my bedroom so I don't get distracted by the television."

"Wow! I had no idea!"

"No one does and that's how I like it. I really don't want a 'pity party', especially since everyone else put their feelings on me, and expects me to know how to help them. I set my feelings aside, so I can help them."

"Why do you think you're so mad?" Jake asks.

"Mad? Why would you ask that?" I ask giving him a questioning look.

"Something has to have happened to you to make you so emotional?"

I think about it for a moment; maybe he has a point. "I did always feel left out as a child or was even teased in school." I begin to loose my voice.

"I'm sorry. Kids are so cruel; that would make any child feel like crap. Did you tell your parents about it?"

"Yeah, at first, but it seemed like it only made it worse. I just dealt with it myself and said nothing to no one."

At first, silence, then, "Wow. That's terrible. You just kept it all bottled in."

I shrug, "Pretty much. I don't trust anyone, anymore. That's why I turn to animals; so much nicer."

"Wow. What a bummer. Is that why, you think, they invited you to the party? To have fun or to torture you?"

I think about that, "You know I haven't thought about that." I haven't had time to. I feel anger begin to raise into my throat and my fingers roll into fists.

"Easy tiger, calm down."

"I am not a toy! They can not trifle with my life!"

"Okay, easy. I'm sorry I put that thought into you. Breathe girl." I start breathing and it does help to calm me down. "That's it, I'm sorry again. Let's move on. If I may say so, you do need a break from life, girl."

"Jeez," I nod. "Thanks, I do need a break."

"Maybe this is it?" he says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "They need to figure out how to let go of the past and move on. Learn how to open up to others as you do with animals. It's not healthy and it will be hard, but it'll get easier and who know's where that path will lead you."

I have tears streaming down my face, "It won't be easy."

"It never is easy, dear, but it'll be worth it." I nod. "Good. You're parents love you, yes they have a weird way of showing it, but they do. I see that just now with how they are behaving around you in this situation."

I think about that for a moment. "You do have a point. I guess I'll give it another try. If I do get one?"

"Hey, no negativity. You will. Come let's go check on Vikki and yourself again. It's a new day, so let's have an open mind for what today will bring us."

I smile, "Thanks, Jake. You know how to make me feel better."

"That's what friends are for."