The Sixers: The Huntsmen of Death

Chapter 31

The car was silent except for the hum of the engine. I stared out into the darkness from a small slit window in the back of the van. We were on the highway heading to Kansas, our supposed sanctuary according to Elijah. We followed behind a black sedan that Ava drove recklessly passing thirty over the speed limit at times.

Everyone was asleep, except for Maya whom was driving the van. Carter sat next to me with his mouth popped open like he was in a constant state of a yawn. For the past two hours that we had been on the road, Josh was still unresponsive, but he was alive.

I stared out into the darkness unable to sleep from the nightmares haunting me. Blankly, I watched cars pass by on the right, their headlights blinding my eyes. I was in a state of emptiness, unable to feel or cry. Jeremy couldn't die, he just couldn't and that thought created a front that blocked out any doubt to say otherwise. Some would say that would be denial, but I called that hope. It was the only reason I felt still alive.

I knew I made the right choice for it was the only option I had that ended in a slight chance of Josh surviving. The alternative was hoping he would be healed by a miracle, or an angel, but that's not something I would bet on. I saved Josh, but Jeremy might have pushed through without needing the blood and because of that, I think I made a mistake. I might have killed my brother, because I needed to feel like I could save him. I needed to act. I needed him to be okay now and not hope and wait for something that might not ever come.

I didn't have hope then; I never had it and still don't. That's why I acted, because out of my own selfishness and my blindness, I was too impatient to wait. I was scared to be alone. I was hurting, tumbling and breaking and because of that, I acted on an impulse out of my own self-interest. I didn't want to hurt anymore. Josh, I saved, because it was the only choice I had. Yet, Jeremy had an option. He could have fought it and I knew that would have been the choice he would have made. I knew he wouldn't have wanted to become part of this and yet, out of my own selfishness, I couldn't bare to watch and do nothing. I thought I would have had the better chance of keeping him alive. Now, I'm not so sure.

Hours passed of the continuous silence within the car, the darkness, and a blankness across my face. My eyes fought to stay awake, because I knew I would fall into a torturing nightmare if I let myself succumb to a sleep. I pinched myself along my arm continuing to stare out the small window into nothingness. I briefly remember cars passing, but I was resting within my own mind trying to block out any feelings, thoughts, or emotions inside me. I felt trapped in a limbo in my mind unable to escape. Imagine being stuck in a box, darkness surrounding you and there are now walls, just an endless path of nothing. That's about what I felt.

Maya looked up into the rear-view mirror noticing my unbreakable trance. "Ray, you okay? You haven't moved for like an hour."

It broke a silence that sent a small jab at my brain. Even small words hurt to hear. Remaining in my state of limbo, I replied blankly, "Yeah, I'm fine." I didn't bother to look, but I could feel her eyes against me. She knew that I wasn't fine, but for me, I didn't know. I couldn't feel anything. I felt at peace and almost lifeless inside, but there was no pain and I was not hurting. That was my definition of "fine", a feeling of nothing.

I could feel my eyes falling slowly and this time, I couldn't stop them. I let them fall, succumbing to a sleep. At first it was darkness, but then the walls came in and a light flickered on. I stared around looking at our old apartment before it was burnt to the ground. I stood in the living room watching my brothers emerge from their room. Their backpacks were on about to head out for school.

"What do you guys want for breakfast?" I asked. "Granola bars? Ego waffles?"

"Ego waffles are fine with me," Josh smiled. Jeremy said nothing, only slide onto the bar stool. I opened the freezer grabbing out two ego waffles from the back. I slipped them into the toaster before turning around.