Welcome to Hollywood

Chapter 22

I can't believe this is happening right now. I can't believe this happened at all. Why did it have to happen now? This was a huge year for the family, and now we are minus one. I haven't gotten out of bed since it happened. I couldn't get myself to do it. I haven't been on the internet either. I knew what would happen. I would see hundreds of sympathy posts and maybe even a Facebook page in his memory. He was young, well young enough for people to be effected. It just kills me how he went out; driving me home from rehearsal, his natural representation of life. It was the last one until tech. They kept us really late, and he was pissed. He was never the most patient guy; I guess I know where I get my temper from. He was yelling off a storm when I finally got in the car. He actually started driving before I could even close the door. He sped off, and I just popped in my ear buds hoping his tantrum would be over soon enough. Eventually everything was calm, and we got on the back roads. That's when it happened. I got a few scratches on my face, a concussion; and he's dead… my own flesh and blood.

It was a drunk driver, they said his blood alcohol level was up there too, but nowhere near the other guy's blood alcohol level. He was under the legal limit, but the other guy was over the legal limit. We fought so much, and that's how he died. He was in an argument with me, and it's my entire fault. It was my fault he was on the road, my fault he was so angry, and it's my fault he's dead. The cutting and purging has sped off. I didn't attend move in yesterday, and I didn't go to school today. 

Today though, for the first time in five days I got up and took a shower, but my mother is whacked out. She hasn't gotten out of bed which is more than unusual for her. She is the type that works all day long, regardless if there is anything that has to get done. She isn’t handling this well. She doesn’t know how to handle it. I don’t think anybody does. For once I actually see my kitchen is a mess. After showering I call up Jessie.

She answers with, "Hey Jess."

"Hey chick."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm alright, the place is a mess but good considering."

"My mom was actually gonna come over today. Do you need anything?"

"Yeah, actually. Do you think you could give me a ride to rehearsal?"

There was a long pause, "Are you sure? Isn't it a little too soon?"

"Please, I just really need to get out of the house. I need to do something and just keep moving."

"Okay, fine. Make sure you tell your mom though, we don't need her having a heart attack."

"It's in her genes. It'll happen eventually."

She pauses again. I giggle and I can tell she doesn't get it.

"It was a joke."

"Yeah, yeah. What time do you need to be there?"

"Calls at 6, but I need to get to know the set so get me there around 5 please."

"Okay, wanna go get food on the way there? We can get McDonalds or Dominos, you're favorites."

I can't deal with the thought of food. The most I can have is fruit. "No thank you, people have brought over enough for a few weeks."

It wasn't a total lie. Too bad it's all casseroles so even if my relapse wasn't happening I still wouldn't eat it.

"Are you sure you don't want something else. I know you aren't into leftovers."

"Yeah, see you at 5."

"Alright."

"Love you."