Haven

Chapter 7

Inside, the Shack is constructed of a series of small rooms, all set up for different purpouses. The entrance is a square room with corridors leading off in each direction. We take the one strait ahead and pass many doors, some shut but most open to the public. I see a medical room and a room full of filing cabinets. Lots are just filled with boxes and crates of supplies or are offices. At the end of this corridor is a stairway leading steeply up and around a corner. Mum climbs it without hesitation and I follow.

The upsairs looks exactly like the downstairs, just reversed. This time we take the left hand corridor and then at the end we turn right down another hall parrallel to the one in the middle. I guess they have to make use of all the space they can get. At the end of this corridor is another room, not particularly remarkable in any way other than my mum stops in front of it, taking a deep breath and smiling at me. I nod at her to tell her that I am ok but my throat is so thick with nerves that I don't think I can speak. As she pushes against the handle the door squeaks open, revealing a box room with wood panneled walls and a desk in the centre. Seated behind it is a man with graying brown hair and stunning blue eyes like mine. Laugh lines surround his familiar eyes and his kind face breaks into a smile when he sees me and my mum. I realise distantly that this is the man I saw her talking with last night.

He stands up to greet Mum. My dadstands up to greet Mum. She walks into his arms and he buries his face in her hair, breathing her in. I realise how long it must have been since they've seen eachother but it has not, in any way, decreased their love for one another and I find such pride and inspiration in that.

My dad is still grinning as they part and he turns to me. His eyes, though as intense as the Ministers, hold only kindness and understand with not a hint of violence or anger. I feel like I should remember his face from when I was young and I feel like I know him but that's impossible because I was only a baby. Still, it feels as if he has always been there, as if I have grown up with that face and those smiling eyes. Maybe if you believe something enough it becomes real; if I believe that he has always been there then, in a way, he has.

"God. Look at you. My baby girl, all grown up." His voice is rough and kind and full of emotion. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," I can see the tears starting to form in his eyes and then feel the dampness on my own cheeks. I didn't even realise I was crying. "I should have been there. I never wanted to leave you but I didn't have a choice -"

I cut him of by throwing myself into him and wrapping my arms around him, just letting myself revel in his warmth and his aliveness.

This is my dad. I think. I am hugging my dad.

His arms come up around me and hold me tight. Of course I want answers and explanations and of course I'm as mad as hell but that can wait. For now there is just my dad, alive and here and holding me and that makes everything ok in a way I never thought it would be.

"Don't think you're off the hook yet." I whisper in his ear and he laughs. I can feel the laughter shaking his whole body and he just holds me tighter.

***

After that whole soppy reunion we are seated around his desk with the promise of answers. It takes me a while to think of what to ask first and in the end there is just one word pushing at the front of my mind.

"Why?" I ask. Simple as that one word, layered with so many other questions and meanings and emotions that it becomes the heaviest, most painful word in the whole world.

"If there was another option," my mum begins to answer, "we would have taken it."

"But there wasn't." Dad continues. "They were going to kill me. Not just me but you and your brother as well. They said that if I didn't kill myself they'd make the world of everyone I loved a living hell. And anyway, the Outlanders needed me. My dad was the old leader and sent me into the Haven so I could better understand them. But I wouldn't go without your mother. So she came too. We don't do that sort of thing very often. Anyway, I got word shortly before the death threats that my dad had died. Something had gone wrong, something big. I think we tried to attack the Haven but there was a spy. That's why they started to suspect me as a rebel. So I had to get out. I was going to take you - we were all going to leave together - but when they came to deliver upon their threats there was no time. I tried to come back many times but it was too risky. They knew my face and always kept a close watch on you. I knew that if I approached you it would put you in immense danger. I imagine they were about to start sending threats to you three again because Jamie and your mother started to leave the Haven to visit sometimes. You got out just in time. And I'm so glad you did." He finishes with a wary smile that begs me to understand and forgive him.

I give a tiny nod to show that I understand but move the conversation on. "They tried a new tactic with us. When Mum and Jamie left they tried to get me to lead them here. They must not have suspected me and thought I would turn on my family. But I would never do that. We tied the tracker to a bird a little while away from here. We should be safe."

"You're a smart girl. Just like your mother." He is beaming with pride and I still can't get over the fact that he is here. That I'm talking to my father. He still seems a little stunned too. I guess you don't see your 16 year old daughter for the first time every day.