A Shadow's Thoughts

Entry #1

So, I don't really know how to start this..
Well, I guess some context on what had just recently happened would be good.

I had just finished watching a really nice and honest dialogue of an anonymous boy in VR on Youtube. His avatar was of Kermit the frog, you know, the puppet, and seemed.. Sweet.
He talked about how his life was; not having many great friends, not being able to express himself properly, and having low self-esteem.

I didn't think much of the video, other than it feeling like another reminder that I'm suh a shallow bitch, until I came across a comment noting one of the things the boy had said.

"If I'm not funny, then what's the point of knowing me?"

Then this feeling hit me, that I did also have that mindset.

In school, or even at home, I try my best to "lighten the mood" whenever I can. My friend feels depressed and I don't know how to handle her? BAM, make a joke. My mom and older sister are arguing again? KABLAMO, say a witty side comment. I'm sobbing like there's no tomorrow? SKADOOSH, act cringey by dancing weird dance moves and making random noises.
And if I don't do those things, I feel somewhat empty again.

Yeah, that's right: again.

Like every teen, I have already gone through my "edgy" phase of wearing black no matter what, putting black eyeliner in my waterline, and begging my mom leather combat for 2 years. But in reality, my edgy phase lasted longer than it should've. It really started when I was around five or six years old, not by wearing black and surfing the interwebs for boots, but by treating my mom like complete crap and ruining my chances of ever expressing my inner baby-self until I was mature enough to let go of some of my pride..

It's getting late, and I lost my point to this entire short entry.

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Message me if you want to talk to a semi-pessimistic, petty teenager (who is about to complete and totally ACE their finals).
03.19.019