A Shadow's Thoughts

Entry #5

You know, most of the time when I fail at something, I usually go, "Fuck it! To hell with this, if I'm gonna fail or not, I don't care."

.... Yeah, I've not been feeling that as of late.

Like the sad situation many youths, such as myself, find ourselves in, we're forced to cope with the new normal.

Although, in all honesty, being isolated from human beings other than my family for months at a time isn't very new to me. It's very normal in face. But, what's new to me is schooling.

Well, I've gone to school before, like most youths. But, it's been about 2 years since I'd last been thrust into the world or paperwork, deadlines, and other stressed out people to fraternize with.

So alongside experiencing school again after quite a long time, I'm also going in with the load of many assignments.

Ah yes, while students who enrolled at the designated time, being able to handle the slow burn of academic stressors, I have the wonderful opportunity of getting tossed piles of stones with the expectation from everyone, including myself, to be able to hold them.

Hm. That analogy doesn't really make sense, but I'm both to frustrated with myself, my academics, and also numb to care.

Honestly, although I sound like an entitled brat, I just want to have some extended deadlines. Just, some leeway to do everything that'd been assigned to me in a week despite the fact that everyone else has had a month to do all of them.

Ugh... I'm both tired and just incredibly done with humans. Myself included.

Fuck art, fuck academics, and certainly, fuck the mix of emotional turmoil plus piling responsibilities because why not.

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A cranky student who didn't realized that she missed her deadline by 8 hours because she missed the announcement
10.15.2020