Stuck in Between [BWWM]

Chapter Four.

I saw two children...

I didn't know them and I knew I've never seen their faces before but, I knew they were mine. They both had corn blonde hair and pink cheeks and blue eyes. I saw Katie pregnant in the backyard without shoes looking at me through her glowing blonde hair. Her wide smile shined like an expensive pearl necklace. The children were holding her hands. I walked up to her and laid a hand on her stomach and felt the warmth of her skin through the dress she was wearing. She placed her soft palm on my cheek and kissed me long and hard. Her lips were barely grazing mine she said:

"Go home, Cole." But, that wasn't her voice. Her voice sounded a lot like the dark, sultry sound of Olivia.

I opened my eyes and it revealed the darkness of our bedroom with Katie snoozing peacefully beside me and the thunderstorm on outside. I sighed and glanced at our clock, 12:59AM.

It was almost one in the morning, I hope she wasn't still out there tonight. I carefully slip out of bed and pad downstairs into the kitchen for a drink. The rhythmic tap of raindrops on my window and the flashing light occasionally making its way into the house. I thought about if she was cold. Or wet. Or hungry. 

"Damnit." 

I slip my shoes on and grab my keys from the hook by the front door. She was sitting on a bench outside of a CVS shivering. I parked in front of her.

"Olivia!" She frowned at me.

"Why are you here?"

"It's raining."

"Yeah," she smiled a bit, "I know."

"I'll drive you to my place."

"Uh no."

"Don't be stubborn, you'll have your own room and I'll explain everything to Katie in the morning. I just have to know you're safe, just for tonight at least."

I could see her turning over the idea in her mind. She was actually thinking about it. She looked around the rain surrounding her. The wetness seeping into her clothes and eventually into her skin. I wish that was me seeping into her skin. I felt splashes of cold rain on my skin.

She looked up at me with deep mahogany eyes and pursed her lips weighing her options.

"Drive me home."

I sighed a little disappointed that she wouldn't stay with me but, relieved that she doesn't have to stay trapped in the rain on this side of town. She led me to my car and I followed behind her. She waited on the passenger side for me to let her in. She climbed in.

The ride to her apartment was quiet this time. She didn't talk or sing or yell at me. She just laid back in her seat and looked out her window and let the street lights flicker above her. She was almost relaxed.

It kind of reminded me of when we were in college and driving to the beach in the summers. The sun would soak her skin from the passenger window. I let the window down to feel the breeze and watch her hair flutter against her face. During those rides to the beach, she wouldn't talk much. It was silent. But, comfortable. 

This car ride was silent but, tension-filled.

"Ya' know you hurt me..." She started. "Like a lot, I didn't know if I would survive that shit." She chuckled a bit but, her face was towards the window. 

"I know and I'm sorry." I said. I realized that I didn't say sorry to her. That I just walked up to her and demanded that she talk to me like I never left. Demanded that she let me back into her life after she moved on to a new era of her life without me. I realized how selfish that was. And if I was her, I would have punched me in the face a long time ago. 

"Better late than never, I guess." She replied, "But, I don't understand why you're back." She actually faces me when she asks this. And I don't have an answer to give her. Because whatever that leaves my mouth won't make sense to anyone else. I knew she wouldn't understand and sometimes I don't understand. 

"I'm just concerned about your well being." I said as I focused on the yellow and white markers on the street that led me to her apartment.

"That's funny, Cole." She laughed, "You don't give a shit about me. You're just guilty and all I'm saying is 'don't worry about it.' I'm not bitter about it anymore." She crosses her arms over her chest. "You weren't happy with me and you found someone better. I get it. You're happy now, right?" She ask expectantly.

"What do you mean 'I don't give a shit about you?'" I was starting to become frustrated. How dare she say that I didn't fucking care about her! I fucking loved her with every fiber of my soul.

"You. Did not. Give. A shit. About me!" She clapped her hands for emphasis. "You fucking left me and married another chick three months after you broke up with me!" She looked like she wanted to cry. "For a guy that continuously says: 'I just want you to be safe and I care about your well being,' you have a fucked up way of showing it." She takes a breath, "I just don't understand. You have a wife and the picket-fence you always wanted. Why are you here with me? You found your happily ever after. Now let me find mine."

"You're not gonna find happiness fucking strange men for money, Liv. It's a sad way to live and you are better than that. So much better! Better than this, better than me, better than..!" I stopped mid-sentence. I was gonna say Katie but, I knew I shouldn't say that no matter how the truth threatened to bubble over into the conversation.

"Better than what, Cole? Spit it out!" She questioned.

"Never mind that I said--"

"Better than what?" She interrupted me.

"I wasn't gonna say--"

"Than what!" She practically screams in my ear

"Katie!" I thunder back frustrated.

She sat there with a shock and dumbfounded look on her face. As if I said something that was cursed beyond belief. 

We pulled up to her apartment. There was a stray cat perched on the lid of a trashcan getting pelted by rain drops. The street she lived on was dark and soaked with rain.

With that shocked look on her face, "Thanks." She unbuckled her seat belt and made her way inside of her worn down apartment building, once again disappearing.

I sit back and think about that chaotic conversation. I was still in love with her. And nothing right now could change that, but my wife means the world to me. I can see myself having children with her and growing old together. But, I can see myself raising beautifully brown children with Olivia as well. 

This was a shit show.