Shade

|5|

Leah's P.O.V

I was walking alone on the road at 11 o'clock in the night. I thought about what my mother had said.

Would I really be disturbing Ivy and her parents by going there right now?

But I had no other option. I couldn't go back to my house and Noel had his cousins over so I wouldn't want to disturb him. So I should just go to Ivy's house.

I was was in tears when I reached Ivy's house. I was about to knock but I didn't want her parents to see me in that state. So I called her.

"Hey, Leah" Ivy sighed.

"Ivy I couldn't stay there anymore. Please open the door." I said with my voice breaking.

Just as I hung up, the door bolted open.

"Oh my god, Leah, what has happened to you? Why are you crying?" She asked as soon as I got in.

"Can we go upstairs and talk? I don't want to wake your parents up." As soon as I finished saying that, I heard Mr. Hudson yelling from the other room.

I couldn't make out what he was saying but I was pretty sure that they were having a fight.

"Is everything alright?" I asked Ivy, to which she said nothing. We quickly made our way upstairs to her room.

I decided to ignore it because it seemed like she didn't want to talk about it.

On reaching her room, Ivy asked me for an explanation.

"I am sorry to bother you, Ivy. But things are turning worse at home. I think my mom hates me. I think I hate her too-" I stopped to take a breath.

"I, I don't understand why she was in my room today. It's my room, my room that I decorated with my dad. She was never there. She doesn't know what's been going on my mind. I get bad thoughts and if I tell her, she'd be scared. But I don't know anymore. Maybe she won't be scared by my thought of hurting myself. Maybe she won't stop me. That's what I'm scared of. More than hurting myself, I'm scared that she won't stop me. I tell myself that I expect nothing from her, but there's this tiny part of me that doesn't want to agree with it."

Ivy got up to get a glass of water for me.

Her parents had stopped yelling. The house was silent except for my ragged breathing.

I thanked her and continued.

"Today, she acted like she actually cared about me. She acted like she was concerned about me. I mean she can't just walk into my life whenever she wants to. And it hurts so much because as much as I didn't want it to happen, it sparked a little hope inside me. Hope that she wants her daughter back-" I choked back tears.

Ivy wasn't listening. She was somewhere else again. Here I was pouring my heart out to the one friend I have and she was not listening. I felt betrayed and annoyed.

"Did you listen to anything I said?"

She didn't say anything.

So I said it a little louder this time.
"Ivy what's wrong with you?"

Ivy looked at me. There was sadness in her eyes but there was something else too. It was anger.

"You know what, not everything is about you. I've been listening to you ever since we became friends. I know there are problems in your life, problems that are too many to be dealt with. But did you ever care to stop and ask me if I have problems? Maybe they're not as big as yours. But I need someone to talk to about them. You talk about your mom not being there for you but you weren't there for me either." Ivy said.

I was stunned. I hadn't seen her that angry ever.

"Why didn't you ask me if I was okay after class? You say that you know me so you must have realized that it was not just some headache today."

"I figured that it wasn't just some headache. I wanted to ask you but then it looked like you forgot about it so I didn't want to bring back whatever made you sad so I didn't ask at all." I fumbled with my words.

"So you assumed. You assumed that your mom hates you. You keep fucking assuming. That's your problem. You never talk to the person about the problem, you talk about the problem to another person cause let's face it, you can't handle the truth."

I knew what she was saying was right but it just didn't feel right to be called out like that.

"Oh yeah, so tell me what's happened in your life that's making you so sad? Did you get a B+ in the pop quiz or did your parents not get you something you wanted?" I knew what I was saying was going to hurt her but somehow that didn't stop me.

"I hate you. I fucking hate you. My parents are going to get a fucking divorce."

I didn't say anything. I just sat there, too shocked to say anything. That was nothing like I expected. I couldn't gather my thoughts.

I just got up and left.
_______

On my way back home, I thought about what happened.

I never realized that I was being such a terrible friend to Ivy. She was always there for me and I couldn't help her when she needed me the most.

Ivy was always such a sweet and shy girl. Seeing her react in such a way made me realize how angry she was with me.

After everything, I should have been there with her.

But I wasn't.

All this while she was in such a miserable state and all I did was think about myself.
I had to apologize to her. That will be the first thing I'd do in school tomorrow. I would've called her right now but I figured that she needed some space. I did too.

I unlocked the door with the spare key I had, and looked around to see if my mom was still awake.
The door of her room was wide open and when I peeped inside I saw an empty bed.

Maybe she was in the washroom. But who cares?
I used that opportunity to get back to my room without making any noise.
...........

Next morning I got up earlier than usual, and went to school.

I asked Noel not to pick me up today, because I wanted to make a stop at a candy store and buy some of Ivy's favourite chocolates.

I reached school 15 minutes before the morning bell rang and started looking around for Ivy.

"All the students, please report to the assembly hall right away."

Following everyone I made my way towards the hall, hoping to see Ivy there. I met Noel on the way and we walked together.

But I couldn't see Ivy anywhere. Maybe she didn't feel like coming to school today, because of everything that happened yesterday.

I'll go to her house, after school.

"Dear students, a tragedy has taken place and it is a torment for me to announce that our fellow student, Miss Ivy Carter was found dead at her house, last night. The case is being investigated by the cops. As of now, all we can do is mourn for the loss of our dear friend."

No, no, no this couldn't be happening!