When Brian wakes up, the memories of the previous night flood into his mind. He's facing the wall, a slight smile on his lips.
He closes his eyes, figuring he might as well try to get some more sleep. Roger's still sleeping, so–
Brian frowns. He listens carefully. He can't hear Roger's breathing. He turns away from the wall and meets a sight that makes his heart sting; Roger is gone.
Roger probably regrets it, what they did on the night before. Of course he does. Brian should have expected it. Roger has never shown any interest in him, save for some drunken occasions. And even these rare moments mean nothing. Roger's like that with everyone. He doesn't have a sense of personal space – constant touches are a big part of his act. He's always hugging someone, sitting on someone's lap, kissing someone... Although, Brian has never seen him kissing another man.
No one seems to be bothered by Roger touching them. They enjoy it. Brian hates to admit that this applies to him, too.
It was stupid of him to think them sleeping together actually meant something to Roger. And he's screwed now – how will he ever be able to act normally around Roger again? Is their friendship ruined?
Obviously their friendship isn't ruined. The idea is laughable. Brian's just being ridiculous – utterly paranoid and overreacting like he always does. It was just meaningless sex, he tells himself, there's no way it could erase years of friendship. Sure, it might be a little awkward (the understatement of the year), but they'll get over it. They'll just have to forget about it. Brian supposes Roger won't have a problem doing this. Among all the people he's been with, Brian can't have been anything special.
Brian, on the other hand, doesn't want to forget about it. As much as he hates himself for it, as much as he tells himself otherwise, he doesn't want to go back to being just friends with Roger.
***
Brian is starting to suspect Lea's some sort of witch or something similar as she seems to have a truly magical ability of ruining his day.
Maybe he was foolish to think Lea's visit at the hotel a couple of nights back would be her last one – she does live in London, after all. Why would he miss a chance of seeing Roger? Brian knows he wouldn't, were he in her position. Not that he would want to be in her position. Well, perhaps he wouldn't exactly be opposed to it, either.
None of Brian's inner conflicts save him from the fact that Lea is, indeed, eating breakfast with his friends, looking stupidly happy, laughing and conversing with them. She looks like she belongs there in their company, something Brian hasn't been able to relate to of late.
Or maybe that isn't a recent problem. Brian has never been able to enjoy himself like the others. There's always something bothering him, a constant nagging in his mind that won't leave him alone, no matter what he does. Everyone seems to be making fun of him for it – especially Roger and Freddie.
Now, however, he has more immediate issues than whatever is trying to ruin his life; he needs to get out of the restaurant and back to his hotel room before someone notices him.
Just when Brian thinks he's going to make it out without attracting any attention, John turns to look at him. "Brian! Aren't you going to eat anything?"
"I... uh – I'm not hungry."
"Yes you are. Stop being an idiot and come here," Freddie says in a way so final Brian knows his objections won't do any good.
***
Seconds feel like hours. None of them bring Brian any closer to knowing what's happening – with himself, or with Roger. How he'd love to know. But lately, it seems, he's in the dark about everything.
