No one cares

1.

No one cares...That's what you use to tell yourself everyday...You walk into school, praying the teacher won't call your name, praying to just blend in... You have a friend(s), but you know they don't really care. That they gave up on you from the start... Your parents, you know that you disappointed them. You know you are a lost hope... You are called by names: fat, ugly, weird, stupid, worthless... You believe every single word. "I'm a lost cause. No one would care if I was gone." You walk home alone. You know no one will be home today. Your parents are working. Today. Today is the day. You get home and you lay down on your bed. You cry. You start reconsidering. But you know, this HAS to be done. You go to your parents' bathroom and grab the bottle of sleeping pills, and then a pen and a paper. You're ready. You sit at your desk and write. You write to your parents and tell them that is not their fault, and you apologize for what you are about to do. You tell them that you love them.

You write to your friends. You tell them that they did all they could, and that you will miss them. You write to your bullies. Hoping that they will see your message. You end your letter with: "I am so sorry.". You put the pencil down, and wipe your tears. You look down at the paper, you look at where the tears fell. You open the bottle and dump the content into your hand. Without hesitation, you take them. All of them. You lay down and realize, you are going to die. You get dizzy. You are dying. You, suddenly get scared and cry out for your mom, your dad, your best friend. But, no one can hear you. You are fading. Your last thought is regret. You think about your mom, your dad, your best friend, your siblings and your family. You just want your mom and dad to hold you. Your best friend to hug you. Right now. You want it right now. But, it's too late. You are already dead. You are DEAD. It's all over. But it's not. Your mom comes home to find you laying in your bed, dead. Her baby is gone forever. Despite the attempts to revive you, you are pronounced DEAD. Gone, forever. Your mom blames herself. She thinks about your childhood and all the happy memories you 2 shared, trying to figure out what she did wrong. Your dad tries to stay calm. But, all he can think about is you. He thinks he was too rough, he says to himself: "What if I wasn't there enough?" . Then your death goes public. It reaches the school. Your best friends... They are crushed. They will blame themselves. "What if we texted him? The text that would saved his life." Your best friends will fall into depression. Cry themselves to sleep at night. The "What if"-s would become to overwhelming. Your teachers will try and think if they said or did anything wrong. Could they have seen the hidden signs? Maybe they should have talked to you. Your bullies would regret everything. They would stop talking all together and fall into the same holes as you were in, depression. That's what you wanted, right? The school would forever remember you and you would never leave ANY of their hearts. Your siblings would get many apologies for your death. But, it wouldn't matter. Anything, anyone said wouldn't matter. You are gone. And your siblings would have to carry that. Your family, your family would be shook. The amazing one is dead now. You were their favorite. No one let you know that when you were alive.

So, do you still think that no one cares?

It took your death for people to show they cared for you. Everyone cared for you. There was always someone to talk to, but you never asked. You thought that everyone hates you. Because you never asked for someone to talk to. I know that you don't think so. I know that you think I am full of bull. But it is true. And, just think of everyone you leave behind. TAKING YOUR LIFE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. In no way, I am saying that suicide is selfish or cowardly. I am saying that someone cares. I PROMISE. How do I know? Because I CARE. And I know that many others do too. Please, don't leave. Please, listen to me. I CARE ABOUT YOU. You are special. And I PROMISE, if you leave, you leave many people behind and with SO many questions. Someone cares. Someone is here to listen. Look for them. Don't give up.

To the people you bully: Do you see now? Do you see the power that your words have? Show someone that you care that they are alive. If you are bullied, tell someone. And know, that when people do things to hurt you, it's because they are hurt. They are being hurt. Try and talk to them. You never know. You could be going through the same things. And, don't ever forget to smile. Because you being here, being happy, makes someone happy. Remember: Your smile can save someone's life. Stay strong!

I'll be here forever. I care. I love you. I'll always listen to you. I'll help you anytime, doesn't matter if it's day or night, contact me and I'll be here. Please, don't leave us.