Circles and Circles || Jensoo

Chapter 9

Jisoo couldn't forget her conversation with Jennie by the lake. She was sick and tired of her emotions being so torn in two. Her mind and family loyalties told her to hate Jennie. Eight years ago, the brunette had started a chain of events that had ended in her brother's death and her mother's insanity. She should hate her, enough to want her dead; instead, she felt continually drawn to her and, worse still, it was in ways which made her even angrier.

For two long years they had been together and that attraction - which should have died - was clearly still alive, boiling away under the surface. Jisoo felt almost physically sick when she thought of being so obviously attracted to someone who had done so much to destroy her life. Was she sick? Surely her reaction to Jennie was horrible, just horrible?

And yet, she could tell that Jennie had changed a great deal since they had been together. She was calmer and far more responsible. And then there was her relationship with Ella. Insofar as Jisoo could tell, Jennie had given the girl everything possible for absolutely no self-gain. It had been completely selfless, and an act that Jisoo couldn't fault. It suggested someone whom Jisoo would be proud to know, someone with whom she would normally want to be friends, not someone horrible at all.

Worst of all, Jisoo knew she couldn't totally blame Jennie for everything that had happened eight years ago. She knew that plenty of the blame had to fall on her and she had been shouldering that burden for eight years, too.

It was starting to get way too much to handle.

She was silent through lunch and the rest of the day. She joined in the afternoon and evening activities, but everyone there could tell that she wasn't herself. After fobbing off enquiries about her health, whether something was wrong, and every other subtle question the group could throw at her, Jisoo went to bed early. Ridiculously early.

She sat on her bed, already in pyjamas, and knew she couldn't sleep. She was about to get up and find something to do - probably something to read - when she heard a slight knock on the door. She waited, wondering if it was just the wind, until the noise repeated itself.

"Come in," she called out.

Ella's tousled head appeared around the door frame. She looked at Jisoo enquiringly. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Jisoo replied, with a soft smile.

Ella came and sat on the edge of the bed. She didn't say anything, and Jisoo watched her, waiting, as the young girl idly fingered the edge of the bedspread. The silence stretched out and, as Jisoo was about to break it, Ella spoke, very, very quietly.

"What's wrong, Jisoo?"

The use of Jisoo's name somehow struck a chord deep inside. She felt like a lump of coal had become stuck in the back of her throat.

"I -" Jisoo wanted to answer, but she didn't even know how to begin.

"Is it being near Jennie? I know you don't exactly like her," Ella commented, cutting to the chase.

"In a way," Jisoo admitted, almost grudgingly. "But we can get along just fine. And I like you. I wanted to be here."

"Do you hate her?" Ella pressed on. She looked up at Jisoo, her eyes blazing.

Jisoo considered her answer very, very carefully.

"No."

And it was the truth.

Ella seemed satisfied with that and turned to face Jisoo on the bed. She ended up cross-legged in front of her and, without knowing how, Jisoo found they had talked half the night away. She learnt a lot more about Ella: where she had come from; how she had ended up on the streets. She learnt a lot more about Jennie from stories that filtered through the conversation, and she found nothing there she didn't warm to.