Circles and Circles || Jensoo

Chapter 13

Jennie's appearance and sudden departure left Jisoo feeling even more drained, something she had thought was well nigh impossible. Looking around, she took in the damage she'd done. Wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her top, she clambered over the top of her spilt belongings and closed the front door. Then she set about cleaning up the mess she had made.

Most things were okay and once furniture was upright again there were only a few items that were broken beyond repair. Even Jin could be moved to another frame, the photo itself undamaged. Jisoo took a shower, washing away the grime from her jog and, exhausted, fell on the sofa. She picked up a cushion, hugging it to her, tucking her feet under her. She stared blankly at the ground until, through the fog of confusion and pain, exhaustion hit home and she fell asleep.

The doorbell shattered her peaceful nap with its shrill noise. By the time Jisoo had shaken herself out of her sleep and realised what the noise was, and then made it to the door and opened it, whoever had rung was long gone. She was about to close the door when a large envelope on the doormat caught her eye. Her name was scrawled across the front in Jennie's familiar script. Curious and confused, Jisoo dipped and picked up the envelope. It was relatively light and thin. She took it inside, closing the door behind her.

Thumbing open one end, she found two pages, hand-written: a letter. She sat back down on the couch, and read.

Dearest Jisoo,

I know how fucked up things are between us right now, but I guess they've been this fucked up for a long time. I don't expect this letter to make it any better, by the way, but something you said made me realise that... well, things don't always happen the way we think they do.

Chu (forgive me, in my heart you always were, and always will be, Chu), if you blamed me for Jin's death, I could see why. I blame myself too. I pushed him. I know it made no difference, he was about to hit me, and the car would have hit him anyway. If Lisa hadn't pushed me out of the way, it would have hit me too, and her. But maybe if it had hit him at a different angle, who knows, things might have been different. For all of these years I've thought you hated me for that. I should have realised otherwise. I just never thought.

Jisoo, I went there that night, thinking you wanted to meet with me. I'm just guessing now, but I'm assuming you got a note asking me to meet you there. I did, too. I can only assume Lisa sent them to both of us. In all that happened afterwards, I never got to explain that night. I guess I thought in light of what had happened, it wasn't important. I had no idea Lisa was going to be there. Suddenly she was, and I was confused. Then you pulled up, and I had no idea what was going on. Then she kissed me, and everything went haywire. In everything that happened, telling you that Lisa kissed me, and that I hadn't kissed her, seemed like a pretty irrelevant point. I guess I was wrong.

I loved you, Chu, with all my heart. We'd been drifting apart, and, even if I had no interest in Lisa, I knew you were jealous. I guess I kind of liked it, and played along. I still blame myself for that and, if I hadn't, Jin would still be alive, I guess. I can understand why you hate me. I would, too. But I would never play a game like that with you, Jisoo. It's below even me.

I know this story is a little hard to believe. Check the envelope.

Jennie.

Jisoo read the letter. Then she reread the letter. Confused, she shook the envelope, and out dropped a small folded piece of paper. She opened it.

Jennie
We have stuff we need to sort out. Meet me at Stenson's point at 7.50.
Jisoo

It was a reasonably good imitation of her handwriting.

Jisoo sat on her couch, leaning on her knees, letter in one hand and the note in the other. Jesus. All of these years, she'd blamed Jennie for something that... that was Lisa's fault.