As (I)

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Alone, hopeless and depressed is how I will describe my life. No purpose. No will to live. Just pure darkness and sadness. They say I'm a suicidal girl. But how can you describe a suicidal person? I don't cut my wrist, I don't take meds in over dosage, and I don't even imagine myself hanging from the ceiling. I just appreciate solitude. Someone asked me when I was on my 7th grade if I'm a cat-person or a dog-person and you want to know what did I answered? "I dont know. What I can assure you is I'm not a people- person" and from then on, my classmates find me weird so no one dared to talk to me.

I'm not suicidal. I just dont care if I will be struck by a thunder, be bitten by a poisonous snake, or be hit by a ca----

*long car horn*

"Watch out you idiot! If you want to die, just hang yourself!"

Yes, i dont care if i will be hit by a 18 wheeler truck or a car driven by an insane driver.

"Nice suggestion, buddy!" I shouted back at him as if he heard me.

I opened my door after a long walk from a convenient store. I'm so tired and I just wish my lungs will stop gathering oxygen.

I put the paper bag on the table and arrange it. I just notice that just bought a kill-yourself starter pack. 6 packs of cigarette, 4 bottles of brandy, 2 bottles of whiskey, and many high calorie foods that together, can end my life. I just smiled at that thought.

I live alone for 15 years now. My dad died from cardiac arrest when I was 5 and 3 years later, my mom passed away with the same fate. I lived with my aunt's family and they treated me like a shit. They beat me thousand times that I can barely walk, starved me and made me do works an 8 year-old girl can't. Fate gave me chances to kill them all by setting their house to flame but I didn't, by poisoning them with rat poison but I didnt, by stabbing them when they were sleeping but I didnt. Simple because they're still my mom's family. Until someone rescued me from hell and put me in an orphanage. My life became better, well, aside from me being numb, emotionless, does not care about my surrounding, all is well.

After 2 years of staying in orphanage, i decided to escape simply because I was afraid to live with people again. I rob small stores for living and I've been in jail for how many times but I don't care until the nun from the orphanage lectured me of some sort then, I decided to find a decent job: bartending.

I was working there years from now and still hoping that a truck will hit me.

One day when I was walking on my way home, I saw a child, maybe around 4 years old crossed the road and he was 5 meters away from me. I didn't mind him at first but the thought of him having the possibility to be hit, moved my feet.

Everything went fast. I saw the child I was saving a while ago on the side of the road while there are people around me. My sight was red and I realized I was lying on the ground with a lot of broken glass around me.

I saved the child.

I was hit by a car.

I can feel the pain.

Finally. I can escape this cruel world and be with my parents again.

My vision became blurry and I felt that my heart stopped beating.














I saw mom and dad smiling from ear to ear. The place is peaceful and it's white. When I was about to run towards them, a guy wearing white cloth stopped me. He shooked his head and said "Not this time, Lisa".

Wait, what?

I looked at my parents worriedly and I saw them mouthed the same thing the guy said. I don't understand. I'm already dead. I can be with them now.

The guy smiled at me and slightly pushed me into the hole I didn't knew was here.

Is this the reason why I can't be with my parents yet?

I will go to hell and not here?

I fell down from above while shouting until I felt my back on a solid surface. I open my eyes and everything was white. I think I am in a room; in hospital to be exact.

Whaaaattt??!! I'm still alive?!

"Arrrggg"

My thoughts were interrupted by the sight of a girl sleeping on the couch. Her arms were covering her eyes and mouth slightly open. She's some sort of chubby and brunette. The girl was awakened and surprised when she saw me awake. She rushed towards the door to call the doctor. She's fast. I wonder how she managed it. Her legs are short.

Minutes later, the doctor with her nurses came to check me. I don't know what's going on. I am still perplexed by the events. I can hear the girl talking to the doctor but I can't understand a thing.

"Alright. I'll leave you here, Jen. Just call me whenever you need something. I already fix everything and you will not go to jail." The doctor said to the girl.

I noticed that the girl's head was covered by a bandage and several cuts are visible on her arms.

"Thank you, Auntie. I'll let you know. Please don't tell mom about it. She might worry." The girl replied. So the doctor is her aunt, I see.

"Hey. Ahm, are you okay now?" She said and I looked at her.

She has a feline-like eyes with long lashes. Her nose is pointed and has a small teeth.

I was shocked when she slap her forehead. "Haist. I forgot to ask auntie if she can talk now."

"I- i can talk." I said

"You can?!" She said and she hurriedly went near the bed and I nodded.

"Are you---"

"I'm sorry. I was the one who hit you. I... I didn't notice you. I was picking my phone and you suddenly crossed the road." She explained with shaking voice

"I was trying to save the child."

"Save the child? There was no child."

"There is. And I was kinda hoping for you to hit me harder so that I wont survive anymore." I said while laughing.

She hit my shoulder and I flinched

"What the fuck?! That hurts" I rub my aching shoulder

"That's for acting like asshole." I smiled when she said it.

"I'm Lisa." Then I offer my hand left hand for a handshake to a ravishing girl.

"I'm Jennie. Jennie Kim. And I didnt regret not hitting an asshole hard with my car."

Enigma: A JenLisa One-shot Compilation Where stories live. Discover now