baby has her favorite day in hell

linoleum dream

                        Dee Dee scrunches up her face and smiles. Shes always had this quaint, round face, and that's what i like about her. Her eyes are like vast expanses of grey smeared into an icy blue. Refreshing.The dining room table is covered with a stiff white lace table cover. Dee Dee is sifting through the scrabble letters dumped out all over the table. The Scrabble box is left forgotten, off to her side, the rest of the games contents still inside. Usually Dee Dee would talk non-stop but now she is quiet. Not a sad, longing type of quiet; but a relaxing I wish this moment would last forever quiet. 

              Dee Dee is still smiling, her eyes scrunched up in the corners, the window is open, lace curtains billowing in the wind, cool spring breeze drifting in. Light pours in through every open window. The old blue house is lit with the crisp April air and Dee Dee's spirit. I hear the wind chimes on the porch, ringing their sweet melody throughout the house. The back door is wide open.

       "Dee Dee, what are you spelling?" I ask as she fumbles with the Scrabble letters. "Oh, nothing, just my favorite word." In the midst of the scattered wooden letters is a clear patch with one word spelled. I cock my head in curiosity. "Milk? Your favorite word is Milk?" I ask. Dee Dee nods. She stands up and gets out of the dining room chair, she leaves the dining room without even pushing in her chair or cleaning up the letters. Her carelessness is cute in a way. I hear her bare feet as she makes her way into the hallway and past the breakfast nook, making a sharp turn into the kitchen. I imagine the floor must be cold on her feet. 

I love you I love you I love you I love you so much

        And just like that shes gone. Everything, how it used to be. Mom humming in the backyard as she bent over her plants, weeding out the weak ones. caring for her babies. Dee Dee and me. We were her babies.

The Ghost of Dee Dee leaves me, and my head spins around inside of itself. I feel limp. I might keel over any second. I grab the kitchen counter trying to steady myself. i feel my legs trembling. I give in to the searing pain in my chest and slowly lower myself down to the kitchen floor.

i bet it was so cold on her bare feet.

i would give anything to be back in that house. Not in this fucking shit-hole. the linoleum kitchen tiles are waning in and out of view as my vision narrows to a tiny pinhole. i feel my eyelids getting heavy. i lay my head down on the cold floor and ease myself into a painless sleep.